Love, Lettuce and Locke's Single Malt
by CuttlefishRock
Summary: Lily comes to work at Peter's restaurant, Herbology, under the enigmatic head chef Remus Lupin. A tale of Love, Lettuce and Locke's Single Malt. RLxSB JPxLE *For Sparkling Soul*
1. From day one I talked about getting out

**Love, Lettuce and Locke's Single Malt**

**Disclaimer: Very much not JKR. Praise her.**

**Lily comes to work at Peter's restaurant, Herbology, under the enigmatic head chef Remus Lupin. A tale of Love, Lettuce and Locke's Single Malt. RLxSB JPxLE**

It was the end of Lily's first day at work.

She was working as a kitchen assistant in a vegetarian restaurant, _Herbology_; owned by Peter Pettigrew, with one enigmatic Remus Lupin as the head chef.

It had been quite a busy evening, and Lily was waiting for some sort of conversation with the chef, to discuss her performance, and any suggestions that he had for her.

"So, Remus," began Lily, attempting at small-talk, seeing as he hadn't been very forthcoming as yet. Maybe he was shy. "How long have you worked here?"

"Three years," he replied, crisply.

"As head chef?"

"Mm." He rattled a pan, causing bright yellow flames to erupt from it in quite a spectacular manner.

"Where did you work before here?"

"Ireland."

Lily stared at him. "Have I offended you in some way?"

He blinked. "What? No." He returned his attention to the pan, and deposited the contents into a kilner jar, and topped it up with olive oil and a generous sprinkling of assorted dried herbs. He turned to face Lily, utterly confused. "You're just... standing there. What are you doing?"

"I'm waiting for you to tell me to go home," she replied.

"Sure. Go." He finished his last shot of vodka, and took a packet of cigarettes from his biker boot, along with a lighter.

Lily didn't move.

He glanced at her, sighed, and left the kitchen via the back door to indulge in a cigarette.

She followed.

"What now?" he demanded, lighting up a straight.

"I don't understand you," she said, simply. "Aren't you happy with my work? Have I upset you, or your system?"

He offered her a cigarette. "Your work's fine," he replied.

"Then why are you being so cold?"

He shook the packet in her face, and she took one somewhat reluctantly. He held his lighter out for her, and she dipped the tip into the hot flame. "You think I'm cold?"

"You've barely said a word to me so far."

Remus shrugged. "I don't like small-talk. It bores me."

"Sorry."

He exhaled deeply. "I don't mind listening to it as long as I don't have to respond to it."

"Right." She puffed delicately at the cigarette, purely as something to do. "You must be a brilliant boyfriend, then."

"For my listening skills?"

"Yeah."

"Hmm." His pale lips pressed into a line, and Lily felt like she was missing a joke.

"Do you have a girlfriend?" Lily inquired.

A stream of smoke breezed from between his thin lips. "No."

She wondered if she should dare ask the next question, before taking the plunge. "How about a boyfriend?"

He looked down at her through dark, mysterious eyes, frowning slightly, but not from anger. "Yes."

"What's his name?" she inquired, happy to have drawn a snippet of personal information from the curious chef.

"Sirius." Remus dropped his cigarette, and stamped it out with the toe of his left boot.

"How long have you been together?"

"Four years." He returned to the kitchen, and she frantically finished her cigarette in order to follow him back in.

"How did you meet?"

He wheeled around; eyes slightly dangerous now. "That is none of your business. You can go home now; I'll finish cleaning up."

"Now I've offended you, haven't I?"

His face softened slightly, like butter melting in the sun. "I'm a private person; you're obviously a curious person. Neither of us can help it either way."

"Sounds about right," Lily admitted.

He sighed. "Drink after work on... Monday?"

"You mean in a week's time?"

"Yes."

"Sure. I look forward to it."

"Right. Now, you can go home," he announced, already turning away from her.

"OK. Have a nice evening."

"See you tomorrow."

"Yep." She left.

(-)

One week later, and their working relationship had dramatically improved.

Remus remained quiet and cool, but Lily grew to enjoy the peaceful quality of his company immensely. He was easy to talk to, for he would listen for as long as it took her to explain, and then offer a short, to-the-point judgement.

For them, it worked.

"Pete, we're bored, so we're leaving."

Peter raised his head from atop the bar, and stared at Remus and Lily, who were already changed out of their chef get-ups and wearing coats. Remus already had a cigarette perched behind his ear.

"What? You can't just leave whenever you want to!"

Remus sighed. "Peter, we haven't had an order since eight, and you've had a completely empty restaurant since nine-fifteen. It's now ten-thirty, and we're leaving."

"I could sack you," Peter reminded him, feebly.

"Perhaps, but you won't."

Peter replaced his forehead upon the counter. "Fuck off, then."

"Cheers," said Remus, ushering Lily out of the door.

They stepped out into the cool night air, and Remus lit a cigarette while Lily hastily shoved her hands into her pockets.

"Where are we going, then?" Lily inquired, hurrying slightly to keep up with Remus's brisk pace.

"Your choice," he replied.

"Junction?"

"Sure." They adjusted their course slightly, and walked in silence and light drizzle to the half-full pub.

"What's your tipple?" Remus inquired, as they made their way towards a little table in the corner of the large, warm room.

"Red, please."

"Sure." He left her at the table, and went up to the bar, flirting light-heartedly with the barmaid as he ordered drinks. He returned to the table with a bottle of red, two wine glasses, with a shot of vodka in each. He handed a glass to Lily as he sat down, and clinked his glass with hers. "Cheers." He threw the shot down his throat without a wince or even a change of expression.

Lily contemplated the innocent-looking liquid. "Vodka gets me drunk."

"It's only one shot." He sounded confused rather than annoyed.

"Even so..."

He shook his head with a smile in his eyes, and held out his empty glass to her. She deposited the contents of hers into it, and he swallowed it down without hesitation, before pouring some wine for her.

"Cheers," she toasted him, taking a sip through upturned lips.

He poured some for himself with a pleasant expression on his handsome face.

"Talk with me," she requested, after a pause. "I talk at you, now it's your turn to return the favour."

"Right. Tell me about yourself." A sip of wine passed his thin lips.

"Be more specific."

He huffed good-naturedly. "Where are you from? Are you local?"

"Born and bred. Yourself?"

"Northumberland."

"You said that you worked in Ireland."

"I did."

Lily waved her hands at him, encouraging him to continue.

"My mother was Irish. I went travelling."

"How long ago was that?"

"I moved there when I was 18."

"And you're how old, now?"

"Twenty-four."

"So, you must have met Sirius in Ireland," she deduced, with a smirk.

He quirked an eyebrow at her. "Indeed, Ms Holmes. Why the interest in my once-mentioned boyfriend?"

"I'm curious as to who you would fall for," she answered, honestly.

"Who says that I did the falling?"

"Attraction is usually mutual," she replied.

"Not in this case," Remus replied. "He pestered me until I could no longer ignore his advances."

"A real charmer, then?"

"He has his moments, I'm sure."

"Is he Irish?" Lily inquired.

"No – he was travelling, like me. He's English. From London."

"Is he a chef?"

"Self-employed."

"As...?"

Remus poured himself another glass of wine, and refilled Lily's despite her protests. "He paints. He's an artist."

"Really? How brilliant..."

"Hmm. Not great for paying the rent. He says he's self-employed, I say he's mostly unemployed."

"So, he's the artistic, impulsive one, and you're the serious, intelligent one?" she guessed, with a smile.

"Oh, he's very intelligent," Remus assured her. "Too bloody smart for what he's doing with his life, really. He could do so much more."

"Is he a good artist?"

"He's quite marvellous," said Remus, indulgently.

"What does he paint?"

"Everything." He emptied the contents of his pockets out onto the table; cigarettes, lighters, filters, rolling papers, loose change, keys, tissue, old train tickets... He held one of the tickets out to her, and on the back was a tiny picture of an owl. Even though it was nothing more than an image hastily doodled in Biro, Lily could tell that the drawer was very good.

"That's brilliant," she said, holding it into the light to closer examine the minute strokes.

"Keep it," he instructed her, obviously pleased, "he doodles on everything."

"Even you?" she inquired, a little slyly.

"He went through a phase of wanting to become a tattoo artist," he informed her, smoothly.

"And you let him...?"

"Certainly. I was his canvas for the year, while it lasted." He rolled up one of his shirt sleeves, displaying a small section of the words and images that littered his pale skin. "That was a strange year – I'd come home from work, utterly exhausted, and he'd sit me down and start tattooing me. We never usually discussed what he was drawing on me. He usually didn't know himself."

"That's a lot of trust."

Remus shrugged.

"Why did you move back to England?"

"We like to travel." Remus drained his glass, and poured another. "Boyfriend for you?"

"Not at the moment." Lily shrugged off-handedly. "The last one was a bit of a disaster."

"What happened?"

"He broke up with me hours after I'd moved in with him."

"What a dick."

"Indeed." Lily topped up her glass. "Well, it's all in the past."

"Frank's single," Remus informed her, after a pause. "You know, the waiter with the chocolate-coloured hair. Tall. Rather good-looking. Irritatingly straight."

Lily laughed. "I'll think about it."

"He likes blackcurrant and liquorice sweets, and he prefers rugby to football." Remus tried to remember more trivia. "He likes girls who wear lipstick. He has a twin sister called Mel. He doesn't drive. He likes hippy festivals."

"Thanks," said Lily, quite sincerely. "I'll pick up some sweets on my way into work tomorrow."

"He will love you forever," Remus assured her.

(-)

**Thoughts?**

**xx**


	2. Where is your boy tonight?

**Love, Lettuce and Locke's Single Malt**

**Disclaimer: Very much not JKR. Praise her.**

**Lily comes to work at Peter's restaurant, Herbology, under the enigmatic head chef Remus Lupin. A tale of Love, Lettuce and Locke's Single Malt. RLxSB JPxLE**

A week later, and Remus's communication skills were vastly improving. He had grown to like Lily's company, and their working relationship was healthy and understanding... usually.

Remus's mouth opened and closed a few times as he struggled to find the right words to say. Finally, he looked up from the onions he was chopping, and turned to face Lily. "Sirius... he's, um, he's picking me up after work today. I'll introduce you, if you'd like."

Lily looked very confused for a moment, before smiling softly. "Sure. Sounds good. What time do you finish?"

"Twelve. Officially."

"Unofficially?"

Remus considered. "Ten-thirty. Pete won't mind us closing early."

Lily smiled, but Remus had already returned to chopping vegetables for the soup.

(-)

At 8.30pm that evening, the rush had hugely died down, and Remus and Lily were wiping down the stainless steel tops and packing away the unused foods.

Gradually, Lily became aware of a man, who was leaning against the wall next to the metal chain curtain leading to the kitchen. He had dark hair pulled back into a ponytail, and wore mossy-green checked felt trousers, an old band t-shirt, faded leather boots, and a biker jacket. He grinned through shaded grey eyes and supple lips at Lily.

"Hi, there, sweetheart. How about a drink when you finish?"

Lily blinked. "I'm busy tonight."

He clicked his tongue good-naturedly. "Tomorrow, perhaps?"

She frowned, and looked to Remus for help, who was staring at the man with disapproval written all over his face. He set his knife down on the chopping board in front of him, and walked over to the chain curtain, pushing it aside and leaning against it.

"You're meant to ask a lady's name before asking her out on a date," Remus informed the slightly shorter man.

"My apologies," said the man. He looked past Remus to Lily. "Do you have a pretty name to match your face, love?"

"Now you sound like a pervert," Remus noted, dryly.

The man turned back to the head chef, his expression bright. "Jealous?" he inquired, slyly.

"Yes," said Remus, simply. He turned to Lily. "Lily, this is my supposedly better half, but you can call him 'Sirius'."

Lily smiled, and stepped forwards to greet him. "Hi."

"Hi, yourself," said Sirius, giving her a short, friendly hug. "Remus, I'm afraid that I've painted the bathroom."

"Good – it needed a coat of paint," said Remus.

Sirius swallowed. "It's not exactly one all-over colour..."

"What did you draw?"

"It's cool," Sirius hastily assured his partner.

"What?"

"A pirate ship," Sirius mumbled.

"Oh, for fuck's sake..."

"It's really cool, though!"

"I'm sure," said Remus, his lips tight.

Sirius smiled fondly at his boyfriend, and wrapped an arm around his waist, nuzzling his cheek. "Hi."

"Hi," said Remus, not offering an arm in return. He simply stood completely still, though his expression was warmer than Lily had ever seen it before. Not quite a smile, but the corners of his mouth were definitely a little lifted.

Sirius pressed the tiniest of kisses to Remus's cheek, before pulling away slightly as he turned to Lily. "He looks like a grumpy bugger, doesn't he?"

"A little," Lily admitted.

Remus looked betrayed.

Sirius touched his hand to Remus's face, pulling the corners of his mouth up with his fingers. The expression looked very foreign on Remus's stony face. Sirius removed his hand, and Remus's face returned to normal.

Sirius huffed irritatedly. "Can't you manage a smile for me, love?"

Remus raised an eyebrow.

"Pretty please?"

The corner of the chef's mouth twitched up briefly in offering.

Sirius sighed. "That was pathetic."

Remus blinked slowly at him.

Sirius made an exaggerated kissy face at him, earning a small, rather lop-sided smile in response. Sirius looked delighted, and hugged Remus close again, before releasing him fully.

"Can we leave now?" Sirius inquired.

Remus glanced at the kitchen clock. "Half an hour; we still need to finish cleaning."

"Cleaning's boring," said Sirius, sounding confused.

"I know your thoughts on the matter," murmured Remus. "You want a drink, cigarette?"

"Please."

"Which?"

Sirius pulled an adorable face, and Remus sighed, before handing him his pack of cigarettes.

"Go and ask Pete for a drink."

Sirius saluted him, winked at Lily, and wandered back to the bar, whistling.

"So, that's Sirius," said Lily.

"Indeed."

(-)

"Remus, your bloody boyfriend is eating all of the ice-cubes," Peter announced, as he walked into the kitchen. Though his tone was irritated, his expression was good-natured.

"Just keep him away from the cocktail umbrellas and he won't wreak havoc," Remus replied, as he finished wiping down the worktops with antibacterial cleaner.

"Gotcha." Peter disappeared back to the bar.

Remus sighed, and looked at Lily. "Are you sure you want to come for a drink with us? He can be a bit much sometimes..."

"He seems fun," she assured him.

He made a grumbling noise in his throat, but nodded jerkily, and began to check that he had switched off all of the appliances. Once satisfied, he went to lock the storeroom, and found Sirius lying on top of one of the large freezers.

"Oi. Shift."

Sirius grumbled, but obeyed. "Oddly comfortable."

"Mm-hmm."

"You mean you've never snuck off for a quick snooze?"

Remus raised an eyebrow, and refused to dignify the query with an answer. He ushered Sirius out, and locked the doors securely.

"Why can't you stay put in the bar?" Remus inquired, as they walked back into the kitchen.

"Petey was getting pissed off."

"Do you blame him?" Remus walked into the locker-room, and put the plug in the sink. He turned the tap on, and took off his chef shirt as he waited for the bowl to fill.

"You smell like a chip," Sirius commented, taking the shirt from him.

"You sure know how to make a guy feel special." Remus turned the tap off, and rolled up his cotton t-shirt sleeves to his elbows.

"You have more clothes in your locker, right?"

"Yeah." Remus bent over the sink to splash his face with cold water, and wash out his aching eyes.

Sirius broke into Remus's locker with a swift, sharp elbow, and hung the chef shirt up with the others. He found a neatly folded pair of jeans and a dark blue shirt at the bottom of the locker, and passed them to his lover, along with his long, black trench coat.

"Cheers," said Remus, changing his shirt. He hesitated slightly, catching Sirius's eye in the mirror above the sink. "Good day?"

"Small talk from Remus? What is the world coming to?" Sirius joked, grinning.

Remus rolled his eyes, and set to changing his chef pants to jeans.

"Day was all right," said Sirius, "actually got quite a bit done. The flat's a bit of a mess, though, of course."

"Naturally."

Sirius smiled. "When's your next evening off? I want to paint you again."

Remus turned, leaning with his back to the sink. "I'm off on Sunday, but find yourself a prettier, more patient model."

"But I like painting you," said Sirius, bottom lip quivering pitifully.

"Tough. This pirate ship in the bathroom had better be good."

"It's brilliant, I assure you."

Lily emerged from the toilets, dressed in a long, cream coat over a knitted olive dress and black boots. She smiled at the men.

"Ooh la la," said Sirius, with a low whistle. "If only I were straight..."

Remus flicked his ear.

Sirius yelped and cursed. "Jealous wench. Can we leave already?"

Remus grumbled low in his throat, and shut his locker. Sirius held the door open for Lily, and closed it pointedly in Remus's face, before scurrying off.

"See you tomorrow, guys and galls," said Peter, as they trooped out into the bar.

"Goodbye, darling," said Sirius, blowing him a flamboyant kiss.

Remus slapped the back of his boyfriend's head, earning a snort from Peter as they left the restaurant.

"Where are we off to, chickens?" Sirius inquired of his companions, lighting a cigarette.

Remus didn't answer, but stole the lit cigarette.

Sirius lit another, and looked to Lily expectantly.

"The George?" she suggested.

Sirius wrinkled his nose.

"Sirius dated the barman there," Remus explained.

"No way! Which one?"

Sirius grinned guiltily. "Teddy."

"Teddy's gay?"

"Seemed pretty gay to me."

"Next suggestion?" Remus inquired.

"Junction?"

"Agreed," said Sirius, and they set off in a westerly direction. "Remus, Reg called earlier. He wants to come round on Wednesday night-"

"No."

"What? Why not?"

"Because Reg steals stuff."

Sirius looked very confused. "What?"

"One of my Buddhas."

"The china one?"

"Yes."

"Thank fuck – I thought I'd lost that."

"Well, you did. Indirectly." Remus sounded unimpressed.

"OK, I'll get it back. No Reg on Wednesday. Drommy called, too. She wants some more landscapes from me for the display."

At this, Remus visibly brightened. "That's good. When does she want them by?"

"End of the month."

Remus frowned at his lover as they entered the pub. "So you spent the day painting a pirate ship on the bathroom wall instead?"

"My creative flow was blocked," Sirius replied, a little grumpily.

"Hmm." Remus turned to Lily. "Sorry, Lily. Red?"

"Can I have a Bud, please?"

"You most certainly can." Remus disappeared off to the bar, while Sirius and Lily found a table.

"I'm making a terrible first impression, aren't I?" Sirius asked Lily, once they had sat down.

"No, no," she assured him, shrugging out of her coat. "I think you're brilliant."

"Remus must be more complimentary about me than I thought, then," said Sirius, with a smirk.

"I think he spoke the truth."

Sirius looked over at his boyfriend, who was making the barmaid laugh. "What a slut."

"She's just being friendly," Lily defended the barmaid.

Sirius blinked, and turned back to Lily. "Not her, darlin'; my charming snookums bringing in the beers."

Remus sat down, and handed out the bottles. They tapped them together wordlessly.

"Lily, my dear, where did you work before joining my dearest?" Sirius inquired.

"A little café, _Rose's_."

"Cute little cream teas," said Sirius, with a nod.

"Precisely."

"And why did you leave?"

"Bored of it," Lily replied, simply.

"Fair enough... I could never hold a job down." He took a long pull from his bottle, making the liquid within it slosh like lava. "I tried being a waiter, cashier, barman, labourer, chef, gardener, taxi driver..." He counted them all off on his fingers. "Oh, tattoo artist. Lorry driver. Mechanic."

"And you ended up unemployed. Nice one," said Remus, dryly.

"I'm self-employed, darling," Sirius reminded him.

Remus raised an eyebrow.

Sirius glared at him.

Lily took a sip of beer.

Remus placed his empty bottle on the table. "Your round, sweetie-pie."

Sirius patted his pockets, and made a face. "Remmy-kins, you may have to help me out a little..."

Remus sighed, but shoved a bank-note into his boyfriend's hand.

Sirius rolled his shoulders -eyes fixed on the barmaid- and made a beeline for the bar.

"Christ, he's just embarrassing himself..." Remus muttered, picking up a beermat to play with. "Why does he continually believe that he's irresistible to the entire population?"

"Why are the gay guys the best looking?" Lily asked, with a sigh.

Remus flicked the beermat at her elbow. "Don't generalize; I could introduce you to my uncle's partner... wow."

"Most of them, then..."

"My uncle's not the best himself," admitted Remus. He paused. "He looks rather a lot like Blackbeard."

Lily nearly choked.

"Remus, what did you say to her?" Sirius demanded, as he returned with three beers. "Or did you just freeze all of the oxygen with your frosty demeanour?"

"Fucking charmer," said Remus, with a frown. He picked up his bottle and toasted a rather flushed-looking Lily. "Sirius, did you meet my Uncle Fenrir?"

"Peg-leg?"

"Yeah."

"Then, yes. He was awesome."

Remus raised his eyebrows critically. "He hates everyone, he wears biker leathers despite the fact that he travels by bus, and he's essentially a fucking pirate despite the fact that he gets sea-sick!" Remus paused, remembering. "And he threw a plate at you."

"Ah. Yes. I remember now." Sirius took a swig of beer. "Your entire family is mental."

"You're a fine one to talk..."

"Any crazy aunties in your humble family?" Sirius inquired of Lily.

"Aunt Helen has nineteen cats?"

"Qualifies," said Sirius, with a shrug.

"Why are your family mental?" she asked him.

Sirius looked terribly uncomfortable all of a sudden. "Well, umm..."

"His mother tried to kill me," announced Remus, with no hint of a joke.

"Like, aim to kill kind of killing," added Sirius. "With a fucking big knife."

"Why?" Lily asked, appalled.

"Because she's a bitch," said Sirius, coldly.

"Because the circumstances in which she found out about myself and Sirius were... a little... well, they left a little to be desired," said Remus.

Lily looked at Sirius queryingly.

"She was away for the week. He was cooking breakfast. I was in the bath. There was plenty of nakedness."

Remus raised an eyebrow at his boyfriend, but made no comment.

"Not really ideal circumstances, then," summarised Lily.

"Indeed," muttered Remus, finishing his bottle smoothly. "I was wearing an apron."

"Yes," said Sirius, "hers. Around your hips. And you were covered in hickeys."

"No changes there, then," muttered Remus, stealing Sirius's bottle.

"Certainly not. I wouldn't have it any other way." Sirius winked elaborately at his partner.

Lily smiled at their carefree antics.

"Which way do you swing, Lily-flower?" Sirius asked her, taking a pull from his bottle.

"I'm straight," she replied.

"Single?"

"Yep."

"How?" he demanded.

Lily laughed.

"Looking for anyone in particular?"

"There's no rush, but I'd like to."

"I'll put my mind to it, my dear," Sirius promised.

Remus was looking thoughtful. "Sirius, what's your friend's name?"

"Which one? You'll have to be specific, Rem."

"Lanky with glasses. He came round a few times before declaring that I was too creepy." Remus considered. "He wore a t-shirt with '_Reindeer are for life, not just for Christmas_' written on it."

"Oh. James."

"Yes, James," said Remus. "Is he still single and needy?"

"Decidedly so. I'll talk to him tomorrow, how's that, Lils?"

"Single, needy and lanky. Sounds perfect."

(-)

**Thanks to everyone who's reviewed so far: Mizzi, owl-eats-waffles, .chan.x and Kimmimaru. You're all awesome!**

**Thoughts on this chapter? And Happy Valentines!**

**xx**


	3. Drink up, it's last call, last resort

**Love, Lettuce and Locke's Single Malt**

**Disclaimer: Very much not JKR. Praise her.**

**Lily comes to work at Peter's restaurant, Herbology, under the enigmatic head chef Remus Lupin. A tale of Love, Lettuce and Locke's Single Malt. RLxSB JPxLE**

After dropping Lily back at her flat, Remus and Sirius stumbled back to their own humble home, occasionally tripping on the pavement, and dropping lit cigarettes into puddles.

Remus stopped at a 24-hour corner shop to purchase a bottle of red wine and more tobacco, much to Sirius's amusement.

Eventually, they reached their block, and with much giggling, Sirius punched in the code, causing the door to give way abruptly. Remus -who had been leaning against it to right his world- fell into the building, and nearly jerked his shoulder out of the socket by hanging onto the door handle.

Sirius erupted into laughter, despite Remus shushing him and whacking at his shins.

With effort, Remus pulled himself up, and attempted the stairs. He ended up crawling.

"Your bum looks nice from this angle," Sirius mused, following him closely.

"Eurgh. You pervert. I'm in pain."

"In such a case, you look rather attractive when you're in pain."

"Sadomasochist."

"You know me, darling," replied Sirius.

"Remind me why we live on the top floor?"

"Pretty views, I suppose. Are we nearly there yet?"

"You can be such a child," Remus informed him, reaching the top of the staircase.

"Does that make you a paedophile, sweet?" Sirius teased.

Remus located his keys, and opened the door after a few attempts at the key-hole. Quite literally, he fell into their bohemian flat, landing on one of the handily-placed floor cushions which adorned the living room.

Sirius landed on top of his boyfriend, blinking heavily. "Oh, hello, darling."

"Piss off; you're squashing me," Remus mumbled, still holding the bottle of wine in his hand like a club.

"I feel unwell. I may go and vomit," Sirius announced, rolling onto the floor. He sat up, looking a touch green.

"Suit yourself." Remus removed the cork from the wine bottle with one of his keys, and took a long drink from it.

"Don't backwash, you uncouth little bugger," Sirius said, playfully.

"Go and get me a glass when you finish vomiting," Remus requested, mildly.

"Eh, can't be bothered to throw up now."

"Get me a glass anyway."

"Why, of course, your highness," said Sirius, standing up and bowing low. He stumbled as he lost his finely-tuned balance, and fell head-first into another floor cushion.

"Arse," muttered Remus.

"You do better, then!" Sirius challenged, though his voice was heavily muffled.

Remus used one of the three low coffee tables as leverage to heave himself onto unsteady feet. He made a twisting path through the obstacles of the flat over to their kitchen area, which consisted of an oven, a sink, a fridge, and a kettle. The draining board was covered in empty bottles and cans, but no dishes. The door next to the kitchen led to the tiny bathroom.

Remus leaned against the sink, staring down at the cool, clean metal, and sighed. He closed his eyes, savouring the dark oblivion of his eyelids for a moment.

"Alright?" Sirius called, from atop his cushion.

Remus made no reply; merely fetched two wine glasses from one of the over-crowded shelves. He stumbled back over to Sirius, and shoved a glass into his hand.

"Why, thank you, kind sir," said Sirius, pouring a long stream of ruby liquid into Remus's outstretched glass, before filling his own.

They clinked their glasses together -sloshing staining fluid- and took deep swallows.

"There's another positive spin to drinking from a glass like a lady," said Sirius.

"Hmm?"

"Red wine stains your lips, darling. Makes you look quite lovely." Sirius toasted him.

Remus smiled softly. "Trying to tell me you're straight, Sirius?"

"Most certainly. Can Lily have a threesome with us next time?"

"No."

"Fine... I'll be strictly gay for you. Now, get your arse over here so that I can kiss you and give you regrettable hickeys."

"Quite an offer," murmured Remus.

"Budge then."

"Can't be fucked."

Sirius sighed. "Lazy ponce."

"I'm a chef, I have a valid excuse."

"You do smell of chip fat."

"It has become my natural perfume," replied Remus, dryly.

Sirius scrambled over to be next to him, burying his face in the chef's neck. "Rem, you smell like fat and smoke and booze and garlic and chocolate and Remus-ness. Please bottle it for me; it's addictive."

"Take it, keep it," Remus said, lowly. "I'd rather smell like freakishly expensive paper, nose-numbing paint and horrible after-shave."

"I sense an attack in my direction," said Sirius, his eyes narrowing.

"And I now sense one in mine."

Sirius pounced.

Remus wriggled, trying to keep his glass upright. "Wine! Wine! You PONCE!"

(-)

"So, did you enjoy last night, Lily-flower?" Sirius asked, after dropping Remus off at the restaurant the following morning. He hadn't bothered to cut the running of his motorbike, so was leaning over the handle-bars to speak to the chef and kitchen assistant.

"I certainly did, thank you for dropping me back," she said.

"It was no problem at all, my dear," said Sirius, fondly tapping her nose. "I'll go and talk to Jamie-boy today."

"Much obliged. See you again?"

"Oh, definitely. You'll have to come around for dinner some time. Remus can cook; he's really rather good, don't you know?" Sirius winked at his boyfriend, who merely raised an eyebrow at the feeble joke. "See you later, yeah, Rem? I'll pick you up."

"Cheers."

"Time?"

"Ten-ish," Remus estimated.

"Lovely. Have a good day."

"You, too." Remus turned, and began to walk towards the kitchen door.

"OI! Where's my kiss?" Sirius shouted, over the steady rumble of his bike.

"Elsewhere!" Remus called back.

Sirius pouted, but his partner didn't see. He huffed, and zoomed off back home.

Lily glanced up at Remus. "Say, chef, you've either been assaulted by kisses or just plain assaulted."

"Both," replied Remus, humourlessly. "Sirius kissed me, and knocked me backwards into a coffee table." He unlocked the kitchen door. "Such a bastard. I've been picking wood splinters out of my spine all morning."

Lily winced at the very thought. "How's the pirate ship in the bathroom?"

Remus gave her a rare smile as he switched on all of the kitchen appliances. "Quite brilliant."

(-)

**Thanks to everyone who's reviewed this chapter: Mizzi, CaptainBetty, SparklingSoul, TechNomaNcer28, Lizzy0308, claire-whitmore, Raven-of-the-forests and Kimmimaru. You're all too blooomin' awesome for mere words!**

**I churned this chapter out in 45 minutes, in a burst of boredom on my day off work. It's a little short, but the next one will be longer, as we [lowers voice to a conspiratorial whisper] may or may not meet one James Potter. Ooooooooh!  
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**Thoughts on this chapter? **

**xx**


	4. Prettier and younger but not any better

**Love, Lettuce and Locke's Single Malt**

**Disclaimer: Very much not JKR. Praise her.**

**Lily comes to work at Peter's restaurant, Herbology, under the enigmatic head chef Remus Lupin. A tale of Love, Lettuce and Locke's Single Malt. RLxSB JPxLE**

"Oh, could he look like more of a ponce?"

Nine o'clock the next day, Sirius strutted into _Herbology_ wearing skin-tight black jeans and a tailored leather jacket, with his helmet tucked under his arm, and his keys dangling from his belt loop. He strode straight up to the kitchen, and blew a kiss at an unimpressed Remus. "Hello, darling. Busy day?"

"Nothing special," said Remus, writing out a list of potential new menu items.

"Ooh, are you writing up a new board?" Sirius asked.

Remus looked up. "Yeah. Go and wash your hands, and you can come and help."

"Are you saying that I'm dirty?"

"Just go and wash your hands."

"He's filthy in bed," Sirius stage-whispered to Lily, who was trying not to giggle.

Remus flicked his boyfriend's ear. "Ponce."

"Says you," retorted Sirius, but he went through to the locker room, putting his helmet and jacket away in Remus's locker and scrubbing his hands well in the basin.

The door opened and closed again as Remus edged up behind Sirius, and wrapped his arms around him from behind. He pressed his nose between his boyfriend's shoulder blades, feeling the warmth of his body through his thin t-shirt.

"Why, hello," said Sirius.

"Hmm."

"You alright?"

"Meh."

"Tired?"

"Mm."

"Want to get drunk later?"

"Mm."

"'Kay, darlin'."

Remus rested his chin upon Sirius's left shoulder, meeting his eyes in the mirror before them. "Hi."

"Hi." Sirius's lips were quirkily up-turned.

Remus pulled back slightly, in order to tie Sirius's hair up in a pony-tail. He planted a tiny kiss beneath his ear. "You're pretty tonight."

"Am I?" asked Sirius, pleased.

"Very much so."

"What are you after?" Sirius inquired, his voice playfully suspicious.

"Nothing."

"Then, thank you, darling. You're not so bad yourself."

"Ta." Remus swotted Sirius's backside, before turning and leaving for the kitchen.

"Ponce," Sirius muttered at himself in the mirror.

(-)

"What am I writing?" Sirius asked, rolling up his tuxedo shirt sleeves to his elbows. He was bent over one of the kitchen worktops, writing on one of the black noticeboards with coloured chalks.

Remus handed him a sheet of notebook paper, on which he had listed some new menu items to display.

_Savoury _

_Honeyed Feta Filo Pies, served with a mixed Greek-style salad_

_Herbed Cream Cheese, served with toasted rosemary focaccia_

_Goats Cheese, Roasted Red Pepper & Black Olives on toasted focaccia_

_Pea, Pesto & Rocket Soup, served with ricotta herb scones_

_Mushroom & Watercress Soup, served with ricotta herb scones_

_Borlotti Bean Soup, served with rosemary focaccia_

_Sweet Potato & Coconut Soup, served with rosemary focaccia_

_Parsnip & Butterbean Soup, served with toasted focaccia_

_Garlic Mushrooms, garnished with parsley_

_Herbed Tomato Rice, served with rosemary focaccia_

_Sweet_

_Baileys & Double Chocolate Cheesecake_

_Banoffi Pie, with whiskey fudge sauce_

_Warm Honey Cake, served with clotted cream_

_French Chocolate Cake, with clotted cream and fruit garnish_

_White Chocolate Mousse, with gingerbread people_

_Traditional Dorset Cream Tea_

_Homemade Meringue, served with whipped cream and a mixed berry compote_

_Warm Strawberry Cupcake, served in a teacup_

"Don't you make pretty cupcakes any more?" Sirius inquired, after he finished writing it out on the boards clearly yet prettily.

"We don't advertise them, we just have a display," said Remus, tiredly.

"And you make all of this stuff?"

"Well... yes."

"Everything? From scratch?"

"Essentially."

"Even the honey feta pie things?"

"Well, they're very simple. Lily makes those."

"And the focaccia bread?" Sirius asked.

"Yes. I like making that."

"Even the gingerbread people that get served with the white chocolate mousse?"

"Even you can make gingerbread, Sirius."

"I know, but... Rem, that's a hell of a lot."

"I have Lily to help me," said Remus, "and she does a very good job of it."

Lily inwardly beamed at the praise.

"The two of you? Just the two of you? All of that?"

"It's just what we do, Sirius," said Remus, looking oddly at his partner.

Sirius looked like he wanted to retort, but he held his tongue. He patted his pockets. "Back in a sec," he said, taking out his cigarettes. He left the kitchen via the back door.

"What was that about?" Lily asked Remus, quietly.

"I don't quite understand him," Remus admitted. "No doubt he thinks that we work too hard." He turned to Lily. "Do we work too hard?"

"I've kind of gotten used to it," she said, with a smile.

Remus twisted his lips. "Right. We're knocking off early. How's your station, clean?"

"Yep, just need to sweep and mop."

He smiled fondly at her. "You're my favourite little helper, you know."

"Thank you," she said, pleased.

"You want to come around our flat this evening? James will be there."

"Umm... yeah. Sure. That sounds good."

"OK. If you sweep and mop here, I'll talk to Peter, and sort out my better half."

"Sounds like a plan," said Lily.

Remus winked at her, before walking out into the bar to speak to their boss. "Peter, is it OK if we fuck off early? I've been here since 6am."

"Sure," said Peter, easily. "What time are you in tomorrow?"

"Eight should be alright," said Remus.

"See you then. Have a good night."

"You, too." Remus walked back to the locker room, and grabbed Sirius's jacket and helmet. He wandered outside, to stand next to Sirius, who had smoked two cigarettes and was on his third. "You'll turn into a chimney," he remarked, plucking the glowing roll-up from his lover's fingertips with practised ease. He took a puff himself.

"Hypocrite," murmured Sirius, before turning... serious. "Rem, are we short on money?"

"What?"

"Be straight with me, please. Are we in debt or something?"

"What makes you think that?"

"Well, if we're not, then why are you working such long hours? Are we desperate?"

Remus exhaled slowly through his nose. "Sirius, if we were short, I'd have no trouble in asking you to get a job."

"Then why do you feel the need to work so hard?" Sirius demanded.

"Because... I like it here. I want to work hard. I want to make this place good, and have people congratulate me when I tell them that I work here. I want them to say: _'oh, _Herbology_? That's a lovely place. The food is always brilliant, and all homemade! You never see that these days.' _That sort of reputation doesn't come without work." He stubbed out the remains of the cigarette.

Sirius looked at him long, hard. "Are you happy, Rem?"

Remus smiled a rare, full smile. "Very."

Sirius's lips slowly turned upwards into a shit-eating grin. "Marvellous. Let's hop onto Jolene and bugger off to engage in some energetic activities, hmm?" He waggled his eyebrows.

"Lily's coming over."

"Ah, shit, so's James." Sirius contemplated. "You think they'd mind if we snuck away for twenty minutes?"

Remus flicked his boyfriend's nose fondly. "See you back home, Siri."

"Oh, you're cruel."

(-)

"Lily, meet Jolene," Remus said, fondly.

Lily looked at him, a confused look on her face, and then glanced at the black leather jacket that had slung over his arm. "Really?"

"I'm afraid so." He found two helmets, one of which he passed to Lily, and helped her into Sirius's jacket; leaving himself in only his chef whites.

Remus hopped on, straddling the bike, and hooked it off the stand with a practised flick. With a casual twist of his wrist, he fired up the engine; earning himself a throaty, jungle-cat growl for his efforts. He beckoned her to get on, and she carefully slipped on behind him, looking minuscule in his large jacket. Her hands fluttered uncertainly for a while, before he pulled them around his waist.

"Hang on tight," he called to her, over the noise of the eager engine.

She buried her face between his shoulder blades, and felt the cool night air begin to rush over her in a foreign way.

She could feel the warmth of his skin through his scratchy shirt, and his slow, steady heartbeat if she concentrated hard enough.

"You OK back there?" he checked, as he stopped at a traffic light without so much as a jolt.

"Yep," she assured him, not daring to look around.

They set off again, tearing up the street.

Lily focussed on his distinctive scent: crushed pine needles, hot spiced apples, and smoke.

After a few minutes, Remus nudged her leg with his. "Oi. Look up."

"No, thank you," was the muffled reply.

"Trust me." The tone of his request was like he was testing her.

She passed the test.

She looked up, and was utterly astonished. Everything was going by at insane speeds, but somehow it wasn't terrifying. She didn't feel like she was sitting inches from certain death, should Bambi choose to trot out into the road.

She trusted the man in front of her, comforted by the fact that he was confident -or cocky?- enough to wear only his whites.

She didn't, however, dare to glance at the speedo.

"Yeah?" he called.

"Yeah," she replied.

He revved the engine to new speeds, and she hid her face again; not from fear this time, but from the bite of winter chill.

Soon, they reached a town again, and she dared to glance around. Remus pulled up into a tiny car-park smoothly, and cut the engine next to a storage shed.

He flicked out the stand with his foot, and dismounted, as did Lily. He unlocked the shed, and carefully manoeuvred the bike into it, and locked it again.

"How's Sirius getting back?" Lily inquired.

"He'll walk to James's place, and they'll drive over. Do I have to drop you back home tonight?" he asked, as they jogged up several flights of stairs.

"Sometime tomorrow should be fine, if I can crash at your place," she assured him.

He found the door to his flat, and let her in. "Cool." He flicked on the switch to illuminate the floor lamps.

"Very cool," she said, her eyes drinking in his décor. "Very cool indeed."

"Thanks," he said, taking Sirius's jacket from her. He hung it up with hers on the back of the door.

Lily carefully sat down on one of the big floor cushions, and glanced around the bohemian flat. It was a curious mixture of Sirius' luxurious tastes, and Remus' affection for curious, shabby little findings in charity shops.

The only furniture were three low coffee tables; antiques, with little scribbles and doodles on the discoloured wood. On the tables were many mismatched, ornate candlesticks, and overflowing ashtrays, and several teacups, glasses, and an occasional potted plant.

Piles of newspapers and many, many books were stacked up, leaning against the walls, which were covered in a mixture of photographs, paintings and posters, so much so, that the colour of the wallpaper could no longer be seen. A large mirror was next to the door to the flat, but was mostly covered in post-it notes; some concerning groceries, some informing of visitors, but most were from Sirius to Remus, informing him of his thoughts of the time.

"Wine?" Remus offered her, from the kitchen area.

"Sounds good."

He uncorked a bottle of cheap but nice red, and poured out two generous glasses. He passed one to Lily, clinked his against hers, took a sip, and set it down on one of the coffee tables, before disappearing briefly into the bedroom.

Remus re-emerged wearing a cosy olive-green cashmere jumper, and a pair of red tartan pyjama bottoms. He picked up his wine glass, and sat down on a floor cushion.

The door to the flat swung open, and two men stumbled in, laughing at something.

One was Sirius.

The other could only be James Potter.

Suffice to say, Lily wasn't expecting _that. _

(-)

**Thanks to everyone who's reviewed the last chapter: Sparkling Soul, Rargamonster, Raveia, You can run but you can't hide, Anon [x2!], LoveLiterature, Mizzi, TechNomaNcer28, Kimmimaru, CaptainBetty and Raven-of-the-forests. You're all wonderful and lovely and you make my insides melt into puddles.**

**The marvellous response to this story has led me to plan out an actual plot. Moi. Planning. What are you lot doing to me?**

**Thoughts on this chapter? (More will happen in the next one, I promise!)  
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**xx**


	5. You're semisweet

**Love, Lettuce and Locke's Single Malt**

**Disclaimer: Very much not JKR. Praise her.**

**Lily comes to work at Peter's restaurant, Herbology, under the enigmatic head chef Remus Lupin. A tale of Love, Lettuce and Locke's Single Malt. RLxSB JPxLE**

James Potter -having a very openly gay best friend- seemed to need to assure people that he himself was in fact straight. Or that was what Lily deduced from his 'readthiswhileilookatyourtits' t-shirt.

He was classically handsome, with an easy smile and a strong jaw, and though taller-than-average, his 6 foot frame looked unimpressive beside Remus and Sirius. He wasn't especially bulky, but Remus's earlier description of 'lanky' was uncalled for. He was lithe with the long muscles of a swimmer, perhaps.

James's hazel eyes were crinkled in his laughter, but they widened as they spotted Lily. He quickly sobered... well, his jaw actually dropped, but besides that...

"Lily-flower, this is Jamie," announced Sirius, having no qualms about essentially leaping into Remus's lap.

"If you spill my wine again, you're spending a night on the sofa," Remus warned.

"Hi," said James, to Lily, after a long pause.

"Hello," she replied, decidedly unimpressed.

Sirius plucked the wine glass from his boyfriend's hand, and took a long sip, before returning it. "Do sit down, Potter; you're cluttering up the place."

"And stop drooling on the carpet," added Remus.

James looked at them. "Oh. Hello, Remus."

"Hm."

"Play nice," Sirius murmured in Remus's ear.

"How are you?" Remus forced out, trying to sound pleasant.

James grimaced. "You're even more creepy when you're trying to be nice."

Sirius laughed. "Sit. Really, sit."

James sat down on the nearest floor cushion, opposite Lily. He attempted a smile at her. She looked away.

"Did Jolene behave?" Sirius asked Lily.

"I think so."

"Rem didn't ride too fast, did he?"

"Yes."

Remus looked betrayed.

"Now you know how I feel! Well, not quite the same, but I'm sure you get the gist..."

Remus slapped the back of Sirius's head. "Behave."

Sirius just grinned back at him. "Rem, you're no fun."

"You remind me of it often," Remus dead-panned.

"Couldn't you have picked someone more cheerful?" James inquired of Sirius.

Before Sirius could reply, Lily cut in sharply. "They're perfect together."

Remus smiled softly at her.

Sirius laughed.

James tilted his head at her. "I've known them for far longer than you, Lily. And I was kidding."

"I'm sure," said Lily, dryly.

"Have you been teaching her the voice, Rem?" Sirius asked his lover, brightly.

"I don't know. Have I?" he asked Lily.

"I've been catching onto it," she retorted.

Remus almost laughed.

"How's the job, Jamie?" Sirius asked his best friend.

"It's alright," said James. "I'm not sick of people yet, at least."

"He's a bartender," Remus informed Lily.

"How did the pirate ship go?" James asked Sirius.

"Oh, I'll show you," said Sirius, excitedly pushing himself to his feet.

"You gave him the idea," muttered Remus. "I should have known..."

James actually shivered under Remus's gaze, but hopped to his feet to follow Sirius into the tiny bathroom.

"Bear with him," Remus advised Lily. "He's alright."

"He seems like a dick."

"Oh, he is, but he's one of the better ones."

"Speaking from experience, Lupin?" Lily inquired, snidely, the wine making her brave.

"Cheeky bint," Remus said, but with a grin. "Nah, as his shirt suggests, he's as straight as they come. Otherwise I'd be more concerned about him taking Sirius into the bathroom with him."

"Fair point," said Lily, thoughtfully.

At that point, Sirius and James toppled out of the bathroom.

"Finished touching up your lipstick, ladies?" Remus asked them.

"Finished touching up something, darling," Sirius replied, with a wink.

James blushed scarlet, and read his own shirt as though to reassure himself of his manliness.

Sirius grabbed another bottle of wine from the kitchen, along with two glasses.

"Why was there a lettuce on the pirate flag?" James asked, taking the glass that Sirius handed to him before reseating.

"No reason," Sirius said, with a shrug. "It just seemed oddly fitting."

Remus shot him a funny look. "A lettuce?"

"Indeed." Sirius topped up his wine glass with a flourish. "Lily?"

"Please," she said, holding out her empty glass.

He refilled it, emptying the bottle. He sighed. "We're going to be bypassing the glasses soon, aren't we?"

"Us? Surely not," teased James, draining his glass briskly.

"It's not vodka. You savour wine," Sirius informed him, demonstrating a sip.

James mimicked him, before holding out his empty glass for a refill.

"You spend more time here than Rem; get off your arse," said Sirius.

James got to his feet heavily. "Ponce."

"Wanker."

"Pouf."

"Breeder."

"Shirt-lifter."

"Norm-supporter."

"Gnome supporter?"

"_Norm_ supporter. Ponce."

"_Ponce_."

"Children!" Remus and Lily snapped.

James and Sirius burst into giggles.

"Oh, you two are awful," muttered Lily.

"You deserve each other," added Remus, though his eyes were warm.

"Remus!" said Sirius, aghast. "You can't say that!" He shoved his face into his lover's, huffing against his neck hotly. The smell of wine was strong, and the red of it stained his well-shaped lips. "You know you're the only one."

"Get off my lap," Remus mumbled against his boyfriend's lips.

"You don't mean that," said Sirius, confidently.

Remus passed his half-full glass to Lily, and raised an eyebrow at Sirius. "Don't I?"

Sirius's lips stretched into a big, lazy grin.

Before Lily could quite believe it, there was a blur of motion.

Sirius ponced on Remus, trying to pin him to the floor, but the taller man was quicker, and managed to roll out of the way, so that Sirius got a face full of floor cushion. He rose to his feet smoothly, straightening.

Sirius rolled onto his back, glaring up at his boyfriend. He tackled Remus, but the chef remained curiously upright, peering down at his boyfriend like he was an irritating but harmless puppy. Sirius huffed, and used his grip on Remus to pull himself to his feet. He swung out with light fists, trying to slap the side of Remus's skull, but Remus simply blocked the blows, and tapped Sirius's chest with a loose fist, which caused Sirius to sit down hard on the floor cushion.

"Remus!" Sirius said, appalled.

Remus was watching Sirius with the curiosity that a jungle cat has for prey.

"Why, you little..." Sirius scrambled to his feet again, and lunged at Remus, falling forwards with a heart-breaking trust, for he would have surely broken his nose if Remus hadn't caught him. The force of the ball of energy that was Sirius caused Remus to fall back onto the floor cushion next to Lily.

"Hello, darling," said Sirius, winking at her from her lap as he straddled Remus's hips.

Remus rolled his hips, making Sirius's pretty little eyelashes flutter. Taking this lapse in concentration to his advantage, Remus flicked the centre of his boyfriend's forehead, earning a little snort of surprise. Sirius flailed out with wild arms, trying to get his hands on the man below him, only for Remus to stretch upwards and catch Sirius's left ear between his teeth.

Sirius stilled and made a long, canine whining sound.

Remus's hands locked with his partner's, and his tongue briefly replaced his teeth, before Sirius reluctantly stood up.

Remus reclaimed his wine from Lily, and settled back down on his floor cushion as though nothing had happened.

Sirius sulkily picked up a new bottle of wine, and swigged defiantly from it.

"Uncouth fucker," murmured Remus.

Sirius offered the bottle to him. He took it.

"Are they always like this?" Lily asked James.

"Always," sighed James, "yet I would not change them for the world."

Out of the corner of her eye, Lily saw Remus wink at Sirius.

(-)

**Thanks to everyone who's reviewed the last chapter: viking-bride, owl-eats-waffles, Captain Betty, Kimmimaru, ASinisterQuest, Mizzi, TechNomaNcer28, Lizzy0308, Raven-of-the-forests, and Sparkling Soul. You're all wonderful and lovely and you make my insides melt into puddles.**

**And so the plot begins.  
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**Thoughts on this chapter? (More will happen in the next one, I promise!)  
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**xx**


	6. So miserable and stunning

**Love, Lettuce and Locke's Single Malt**

**Disclaimer: Very much not JKR. Praise her.**

**Lily comes to work at Peter's restaurant, Herbology, under the enigmatic head chef Remus Lupin. A tale of Love, Lettuce and Locke's Single Malt. RLxSB JPxLE**

Sirius was sound asleep, curled up loosely in Remus's arms, his dark eyelashes pillowed on his high, sharp cheekbones. His perfect mouth was upturned ever so slightly as he dreamt good dreams. Even in his current unconscious state, he was visibly content.

The sound of vomit hitting the toilet bowl caused Remus to open his honeycomb eyes. He gently pulled away from his still-sleeping partner in order to see what was causing the commotion. He padded bare-foot across the flat, stepping lithely over James's sleeping form; his mouth dangerously wide and emitting a thundering snore.

Sure enough, Lily was kneeling on the cold tiles, hugging the porcelain possessively.

Remus joined her on the floor, ignoring her feebly batting hands, and smoothed her long red hair back out of the way. He kissed her moist temple, and rubbed soothing circles into her back until she had finished.

They leant back against the cool wall of the bathroom, facing the pirate ship opposite.

"Don't tell James that I threw up," Lily begged, her voice frail. "He'll think I'm a light-weight."

"You out-drank him, girly," Remus assured her, offering her a bottle of water that sat on the side of the sink.

She drank small mouthfuls from it. "Thanks."

"Feeling better now?"

"Much."

"OK for work?" he said, eyes twinkling.

She smiled wanly. "Would I leave you without your favourite kitchen assistant?"

"Depends how hungover you were," he retorted. "Though I need to talk to you about something mildly linked to such things; I have a week's holiday to use up in the next month. Would you be OK covering?"

"I suppose I could cope, just for you," she replied.

"You'll get a helper, of course, but I don't know how competent said companion would be."

"Either way, it's fine by me," she assured him.

"Thanks."

They sat in an easy silence for a while, until some disturbingly puppy-like sounds came to light.

"What on earth...?" Lily began, but Remus was already on his feet, and at Sirius's side, smoothing the floppy, dark hair back, and gripping his partner's hand with reassuring strength. Sirius calmed at the touch, but huddled closer to Remus's body, seeking warmth and comfort.

"Hush up, puppy," Remus muttered to his dozing boyfriend.

Sirius snuffled indignantly, before sighing deeply as he reached a more intense level of sleep.

"Needy little sod," said Remus, affectionately.

Lily smiled, and sat down on a floor cushion. "How did you meet him?"

Remus's smile faded a little. "In perhaps the worst circumstances." He sighed. "I was with someone else. Marlene. She was lovely, and pretty, and the ideal girlfriend. I tried ever so hard to be as devoted to her as she was to me."

Lily berated herself for being the one to cause Remus to look so sad.

"I was working as a chef. Long, long hours. Up at 5am, home at 1am. She didn't mind that we barely saw each other. Sirius came along, as a new waiter at the restaurant, and he made his sexuality _quite_ known, and took a shine to me, despite Marlene. I tried to dissuade him, but he's a terribly stubborn bastard, not to mention rather irresistibly charming, and we got on so well. We just... clicked.

"Marlene came to the restaurant one time, to see me in her lunch break, and saw us laughing together. I was meant to finish work at 8pm that night. Then the bar got busy, so I stayed to help Sirius. I got home eventually at midnight, to find that Marlene had cooked us a meal, with candles and things. She wasn't angry with me, just resigned. She told me that when she'd seen me with Sirius, I looked happier than she'd ever seen me before.

"I told her it was nothing, but she'd seen what I hadn't. When I was with him, I was happier than ever, even if I didn't want to believe it. She understood better than I did, but she still cried when I left. Sirius and I left the restaurant, and went travelling, getting to know each other. We were... easy. We just functioned. And now, I couldn't be without the wanker." Remus bent down and kissed Sirius's eyelid.

"So Sirius turned you gay?" Lily asked, after a pause.

"No," replied Remus, "I was always bisexual. I've had boyfriends and girlfriends before him, though none quite like him."

Lily smiled at him. "Is he The One?"

"You know what?" said Remus. "I think he might just be."

-x~*~x-

Sirius opened his eyes to the sight of Remus wearing leather. Lots of leather. "Oooh la la, Monsieur Lupin. But it's not Bondage Wednesday!"

Remus scowled at him, and picked up his motorbike helmet. "Some of us have to go to work, Sirius. I'll see you later."

"Remus! Where is my goodbye kiss?" Sirius demanded, flailing to get to his feet. His head complained at the sudden gravity change, and he swayed forwards, landing in Remus's arms. "Oh, you make me swoon!"

"Me, or last night's two and a half bottles of red wine?"

"Why, both, darling!" said Sirius, righting himself, though not before stealing a long, indulgent kiss from his boyfriend. "Hmm... Oh, and I had a marvellous idea. You know your holiday time? I could cover for you! I'm sure Lily won't mind, and then we'd still be getting money-"

"What am I supposed to do if you're at work?" Remus asked.

Sirius shrugged. "Wank?"

Remus replied with a simple look.

"Or... James! James is off! You could... go on a road-trip with him! Get to know him, and see the sights, and buy me presents and things!"

James gave a long, loud snort as he woke. "So'un say muh name?"

"Yes!" said Sirius, sounding delighted. "James, you'd love to go on a road-trip, wouldn't you?"

"Sure," said James, ruffling his sleep-ruffled hair to be even more ruffled.

"Remus, your companion is willing!" Sirius announced.

"I've got to go to work."

"Have fun!" said Sirius, slapping him on the backside as he passed.

Remus ignored him, and left the flat without another word.

"Hang on, what did I just agree to?" James demanded.

-x~*~x-

**Hi! [waves madly] Thanks to everyone for the amazing reception to this story! Anon, viking-bride, WhisperDisorder, TechNomaNcer28, Slinkydoggy, Mizzi, WhyMustIDoThis, Rargamonster, Kimmimaru, ASinisterQuest, Raven-of-the-forests and Sparkling Soul.. you people are amazing and your reviews make me all sunshine-y inside! **

**This chapter is dedicated to an anonymous reviewer of chapter four, who asked if we would find out how Remus and Sirius got together.**

**So... Remus and James are off on a road-trip together, whilst Lily and Sirius mind the restaurant kitchen. How will this pan out, I wonder? I know, I'll consult my PLAN. Which I still haven't lost, or thrown away. Hooray for such things that I can refer to.**

**Hmm... soyeah. I've promised you smutty chapters, and there will be some soon! In the meantime, kindly check out 'Dark Things' if you're into SiriusxRemusxRegulus. **

**I have a day off work on Wednesday, so the next update could well be then!**

**Thoughts are appreciated!**

**Cheers!**

**CuttlefishRock**

**xx**


	7. Words are all I have

**Love, Lettuce and Locke's Single Malt**

**Disclaimer: Very much not JKR. Praise her.**

**Lily comes to work at Peter's restaurant, Herbology, under the enigmatic head chef Remus Lupin. A tale of Love, Lettuce and Locke's Single Malt. RLxSB JPxLE**

Sirius crossed the space from the kitchen area to the front door of the flat in four strides. Automatically, his hands fisted the front of Remus's shirt, shoved him up against the wall and covered his mouth with his own. Remus froze up momentarily, as if considering objecting, but then Sirius caught his bottom lip between his teeth, his tongue hungrily seeking Remus's. Insistent, fine-boned hands flattened from fists to palms, reaching around Remus possessively, holding him as though afraid that he would be snatched away at any moment.

The kiss became greedier, fiercer, needier, with Sirius almost pinning his lover to the wall, leaving no inch of him unbarred. Trapped. _Protected. _

"Rem..." Sirius's mouth slid away momentarily, the name coming from his lips as a desperate gasp. "Rem..." His lips travelled lower, latching onto the pale, sensitive skin below Remus's earlobe.

Remus sighed heavily, eyes softly closed, and made a contented noise in his throat.

Sirius exhaled; his breath hot against his partner's neck. He rested his forehead against Remus's shoulder, eyes tightly closed, savouring the warmth and solidness of the other.

"What's got you wound up?" Remus asked him, voice low and quiet.

"You haven't been out of my bed for four years," Sirius replied.

"Poor puppy," said Remus. "You do remember that you suggested this stupid road-trip?"

"Irrelevent. Call it off. You need to be next to me." The arrogance of the Black family always arose at these such times.

"Needy little thing," said Remus, affectionately, poking Sirius's nose.

"You know me," said Sirius, his eyes and tone conveying the depth of the statement.

Remus gave him a fond smile. "I do indeed."

Sirius surveyed him through heavy eyelashes. "You're still going, aren't you?"

"I suppose so," said Remus. "I'm sure James would be disappointed if I let him down now."

Sirius twisted his nose up. "I'm pretty sure he's still terrified of you, actually."

Remus laughed. "Then maybe we need this time together."

"Don't twist it around!" Sirius whined, apparently unashamed. Then he scowled and pulled away from his lover. "Fuck it. Fuck off with him. Fucking leave me."

"I expect your language to fucking improve while I'm gone," Remus teased. "Swearing implies a limitted vocabulary."

"Oh... piss off." Sirius pulled Remus down for another kiss.

-x~*~x-

Goodbyes were more awkward than they should have been.

For starters, Sirius actually stole James's car keys, and shoved them down his boxers for safety. Remus merely gave him a look, and Sirius begrudgedly returned them to a reluctant James.

Then it transpired that one of the VW Camper Van's tyres was flat. Sirius didn't claim responsibilty, but the small, smug, secretive smile that he shot the deflated tyre was enough.

So, after Remus had enlisted his partner's help in replacing the tyre, _"and make sure it's screwed in properly, you needy ponce"_, he and James clunked in their seat-belts, and drove out of the restaurant car-park, leaving a nervous Lily and an openly weeping Sirius in their wake.

"So..." said James, as they stopped at the red lights. "Where do you want to go?"

"Somewhere that sells pretty things," said Remus, vaguely.

"For Sirius?"

"You guessed."

"Like... nipple tassles?" James teased.

Remus shrugged. "Perhaps. Can you recommend a brand?"

James spluttered.

Remus grinned wickedly. _This was going to be interesting._

-x~*~x-

James and Remus ended up in Nottingham. They found a cheery camping site, who were happy for the visitors in the season, and parked up the van.

James sighed deeply, and turned to Remus. "Pub, old chap?"

"Best idea I've heard all day." Remus quickly swapped his cosy cashmere jumper (a gift from Sirius) for his butter soft black leather jacket, and glanced at James, only to find him looking at him oddly.

"Rem... er... what are you wearing?"

Remus looked down at the t-shirt he was wearing, and cursed softly. "Why does he replace my packing?" He was wearing an ordinary, plain blue t-shirt... with the slogan 'I (heart) Puppies' written across the chest in permanent marker... in Sirius's handwriting.

"You can't wear that," said James. "We'll get beaten up."

"In Nottingham?"

"I've taken several beatings for Sirius, but he'll be pissed if you get hurt."

Remus sighed heavily, and changed his t-shirt for a mercifully plain, moss-green shirt.

"Right," said James, grinning lopsidedly. "Pub. We should take a torch."

-x~*~x-

It was 7.30pm, and Remus was debating banging his head on the pub table, but then thought better of it. Instead, he took a long pull from his bottle of beer.

James was examining the ice-cubes in his glass of local cider.

Their conversation had turned more awkward than first-date talk.

"How long have we known each other?" James asked, suddenly.

"A year or so," Remus mumbled into his hand.

"Well, you look the same as ever."

"You mean I haven't turned grey over the course of a year?"

"No! I mean, the photos that Sirius showed me, you look exactly the same. _Exactly_."

"It's my perfect DNA."

"Faux pirate uncle," James retorted.

"A nice, stress-free job..."

"Chef."

"... balanced diet..."

"Chocolate and alcohol."

"... good, healthy living..."

"Alcohol and cigarettes."

"... plenty of beauty sleep..."

"Borderline insomniac."

"... and a young outlook on life."

"You, Remus Lupin, are the oldest person I've ever known," announced James. "You talk like you're 200, or something."

"Charming," said Remus, dryly.

"You utterly abuse your body, and I bet that you still get ID'ed."

"I do not!" Remus retorted.

"Sure, sure." James raised his glass. "Liar." He took a sip, keeping his eyes locked with Remus's.

"What's that smell?" Remus inquired. "James, I think it's you... What is that smell? Oh, yes. Mate, you smell like_ jealousy_."

"Oh, bugger off."

Suffice to say, the evening ended in a drunken stumble back to the camper van, with a short detour along the way.

James took the bed in the back of the camper, while Remus curled up on the passenger seat, wrapped up in his cosy cashmere jumper and Sirius's paw-printed fleece blanket, smoking a cigarette out of the cracked window.

-x~*~x-

"Do I smell camping-tea?" James asked, the following morning, finally blearily waking up.

Remus bit his tongue to refrain from commenting that James had missed the entire novelty of the trek from the camper to the water tap, the aggressively whistling kettle, and the severe lack of coffee, which was why they had camping-tea in the first place. Instead, Remus replied with a mildly cheerful, "Yes, mug of tea for you on the side."

"Cheers!" James sat up, blindly reached for the plastic mug, and took a long drink. "Eurgh. Camping-tea."

"It's made the same as all other tea."

"But it still tastes like camping-tea. Must be the plastic mug."

"Quite probably."

Remus reseated in the passenger seat, with a pen in his hand. He slid a photograph into an envelope. It featured himself and James hanging off the Robin Hood statue of Nottingham, carrying bottles of whiskey in a raised manner, like clubs, perhaps.

"Alternate post-card?" James guessed.

"You got it," responded Remus, sealing the envelope. He wrote the words:_ 'wish you were here, puppy' _on the back of the envelope, before printing the address on the front. He sighed. "Bets on whether they've burnt down the kitchen yet?"

"I'd rather not speculate," replied James, taking another hearty swig of tea. He made a face. "Eurgh. Tastes like Winter picnics of my youth."

(-)

**Thanks to everyone who's reviewed the last chapter: Raven-of-the-forests, yHime, xXxGinnyxXx, Lizzy0308, Coja, TechNomaNcer28, Kimmimaru, Sweet Lily Potter, ASinisterQuest, anon, mizzi, and Sparkling Soul. **

**I've... um... bought a car. For £250. His name is Marlin. I haven't had a single driving lesson in my life. This could be problematic. But my motorbike is very iffy and squiffy at the moment. I fail financially.**

**Thoughts on this chapter? **

**xx**


	8. The waves begging for big moons

**Love, Lettuce and Locke's Single Malt**

**Disclaimer: Very much not JKR. Praise her.**

**Lily comes to work at Peter's restaurant, Herbology, under the enigmatic head chef Remus Lupin. A tale of Love, Lettuce and Locke's Single Malt. RLxSB JPxLE**

**(-)**

"I knew this was a bad idea."

The bonnet of the car was up, and James was wielding a screwdriver in one hand, and a hammer in the other.

Remus was not amused. He was sat in the passenger seat of the camper, legs dangling out of the window, reading a well-thumbed book.

"She runs reliably around 75% of the time," James declared, tapping experimentally at something with the hammer. "She was going fine until you insisted on stopping."

"Oh, so you're blaming me? How manly."

James walked around to the driver's side. "Well, you aren't helping the matter." After six attempts, the engine started. "Voilà." The engine cut out. "Shit."

"Just a query; I thought road-trips were meant to take place on the road, not on the sides of them," mused Remus, lazing touching a lit match to his cigarette.

"If you're not going to say something constructive, then don't bother speaking at all," James retorted, bending over the bonnet again.

"I wondered..." muttered Remus, shaking the match to extinguish it. He took a long drag from his cigarette, and blow out a long stream of smoke into the chilly morning air.

"Right," said James, climbing into the van once more. He started it up and, dutifully, the engine continued to run.

Remus returned his legs to the interior, but left his cigarette hand dangling out.

"Houston, we have lift-off," James announced, as the car slowly pulled back onto the road.

"But for how long?" Remus pondered, exhaling a cloud of smoke.

-x~*~x-

Remus was smirking.

James's head was in his hands.

The waiter cheerfully lit their table candle, poured their wine, and gave them a hearty wink before he went back to the bar.

"He thinks we're a couple," James mumbled into his fingers.

"Really?" Remus inquired, mildly, as he read through the menu with reserved interest.

"Remus, this is not helping in my plan to woo Lily!"

"She's not here, is she? So button it, and pretend to be my boyfriend for the evening." Remus sighed. "Huh. Shall we share a chocolate sundae?"

"Remus!"

"_Remus?_" a new voice repeated. It belonged to a man with hair so dark that it held a blueish shimmer, to match his swirling ocean eyes. He wore a pinstriped black trousers, a crisp white shirt, and a slim-fitting waistcoat.

"Ah." Remus folded his menu back up neatly, placed his napkin back on the table, and stood up. "I'll have the garlic mushrooms, if someone comes to take the order," he said to James, quietly, as he passed him.

James merely shot Remus a disapproving look as he disappeared outside with the other man. They walked out into the restaurant car-park, leaning against the railings of a bicycle rack.

"Chance?" the dark-haired man inquired.

"Perhaps," Remus required, pleasantly, as he took out a pack of cigarettes, which he offered to the other man. They were declined. Remus lit one for himself. "How are you, Reg?"

Regulus Black waved his hand impatiently. "What are you doing here? Who's that other man? Where's Sirius?"

Remus blew out a long stream of hazy smoke. "Your brother is fine. We're living down South; you should visit."

"So, you're still... together?" Regulus inquired, cautiously.

"Yes," replied Remus, simply. He offered a cigarette again.

Regulus took one. Remus held out his lit lighter, and Regulus dipped the tip in.

"Thanks."

Remus shrugged. "You needed it."

"I've been off them for four months," said Regulus. "You've corrupted me."

"Bit late for that," Remus said, with a slight smile.

"You've completely torn my family apart, you know that?" Regulus's tone was just short of bitter.

"He's happy," said Remus. "I swear to you, he's happy."

"So why are you eating out with that guy?" Regulus demanded.

"That's James; Sirius's best friend," said Remus, patiently. "Sirius wants us to bond, so we're traveling, while Lily and Sirius mind my job."

"As?"

"Chef. Yourself?"

Regulus's mouth twisted. "Best not ask."

Remus frowned. He took out his cigarette packet again, and ripped off the top of it. Setting his cigarette firmly on his lip, he took Sirius's eyeliner -the closest thing he had to a pen in his jacket- and carefully wrote their address down. He handed it to Regulus. "Any trouble, and you're welcome to stay. Really."

Regulus looked set to refuse, but then tucked the strip of cardboard away carefully. "Thanks, Remus."

"I mean it," said Remus, sternly, tapping Regulus's elbow. He extinguished his cigarette. "Alright?"

"Certainly," replied Regulus, his ingrained Black mask up again. "Better not let your mushrooms get cold."

Remus nodded briskly, but grabbed his lover's brother's hand in a firm handshake. "Look after yourself, Reg."

The mask slipped momentarily as Regulus smiled sadly. "Sure. You too. Make sure to tell my brother that I'm far more gorgeous than he is."

Remus saluted him from the door to the restaurant, and watched the other man's figure disappear into the darkness.

When he returned to the table, James defiantly ate the last mushroom from his plate.

"That had better not be an ex," James said, glaring.

"Fear not," said Remus, re-seating, and taking a necessary gulp of wine, "I don't date, I just fuck."

James choked on the mushroom.

Karma was restored.

-x~*~x-

"Where are we going?" James whined, as they drove -from Remus's spoken directions- through Wales.

"You'll see, or not see," Remus replied, vaguely.

"Ponce."

"Left here."

James obeyed, but continued to mutter under his breath. "Where are we?"

"By the coast."

"The coast? Why? Are you just trying to waste my petrol?"

"No." Remus stared out of the window, refusing to elaborate.

Eventually, at around four, they pulled into a car-park, and clambered out.

"Seriously, where are we?"

"You'll see," said Remus, leading the way quickly along a long, winding road, past another three car-parks, which made James puff and complain about 'excessive walking', and then down a track, which led to a quaint lighthouse. They stood at the edge of the rocks, at the very tip of the coast, staring out into the endless open ocean before them.

"Where are we? Are we looking at France?" James demanded, trying to look beyond the sea, but seeing no land at all.

"Ireland," replied Remus. "Dublin, to be specific."

"Do you miss it?"

"Yes."

They stood in silence for a long time, staring at the gently rippling waves.

It was cold, and the wind whipped James's red-and-yellow scarf, and teased Remus's hair into his eyes, but the sun was golden and sinking into the horizon, so it didn't seem so wintery. There were no other people nearby.

Remus took a deep breath, threw his head back, and howled at the top of his lungs. "Awwwooooooooo!"

The noise bounced back; an answered wolf call.

James laughed, and copied Remus, but with rather less volume.

Remus howled again, louder, urging James to do the same.

Soon, there was a symphony of howls echoing around the coast, and Remus was content. "Fuck this. We're a pack now. We've bonded. Let's go home."

"Amen to that, Moony."

(-)

**Thanks to everyone who's reviewed the last chapter: xXxGinnyxXx, anon, TechNomaNcer28, owl-eats-waffles, Rargamonster, gotalittlebitstronger, Sweet Lily Potter, Sparkling Soul, yHime, Jack, mizzi, Kimmimaru, AsinisterQuest, and Raven-of-the-forests. 14! Wow! Thanks so much!**

**Thoughts on this chapter? **

**xx**


	9. Sympathy in the form of you

**Love, Lettuce and Locke's Single Malt**

**Disclaimer: Very much not JKR. Praise her.**

**Lily comes to work at Peter's restaurant, Herbology, under the enigmatic head chef Remus Lupin. A tale of Love, Lettuce and Locke's Single Malt. RLxSB JPxLE**

**(-)**

All Remus could understand was that the road simply was not the right way up. A cigarette still smouldered between his numb fingers, burning into the seat covering carelessly. He wanted to ask James if he was alright, but he couldn't quite make his mouth function correctly. A drop of red fluid blurred his vision. He wanted to wipe it away, as it made his eyes sting, but his arm wasn't cooperating.

He could hear wailing sirens that made his ears ache, and violently flashing lights made his eyes hurt. An unfamiliar face came into view, and all Remus could think was that he still had a cigarette in his hand and it was getting dangerously close to his fingertips. The man's mouth was moving, but Remus could only hear the sirens.

And then his world turned as dark as his boyfriend's hair and all Remus could think was the word _Sirius._

-x~*~x-

James punched in the numbers of the hospital phone with a heavy heart. His head was pounding, his arm was broken, his knee was bothering him, and he felt like he'd been through the washing machine, but all he could think about was that Sirius Black was going to be _pissed_.

James cradled the phone to his shoulder, and listened to the dull ringing with a growing sense of dread.

"_Herbology_," Peter's voice said, on the other end of the line.

"Hi, Pete, is Sirius there?"

"Sure, I'll get him."

A scuffle, and then Sirius's drawling velvet voice. "Alright?"

"Hi, it's James."

"I gathered. What's up? I've got orders and shit."

"Um, well... there's been an accident." James scratched his ear.

"Rem?" Sirius breathed, so quietly that James strained to hear it. "Where... where are you, Potter?"

"Remus is OK, Sirius," James hastened to assure his best friend.

"Where?"

"Gloucester."

Sirius apparently dropped the phone, because all James heard was a thud and several raised voices as Sirius supposedly made a swift exit from the restaurant, mid-service.

James sighed, and hung up.

-x~*~x-

Bristol to Gloucester Royal Hospital took 25 minutes, on an illegally enhanced motorbike, with Sirius riding, and much beeping of horns.

Sirius flattened two unfortunate doctors, and scattered a crowd of gossiping nurses in his haste to find Remus's room.

He skidded around a corner on one of the upper floors, and inadvertently tackled James Potter into the coffee vending machine.

"Potter!"

"I think you've broken my hip!" James complained, eyes watering. "And my arse!"

"I don't care about your bony arse! Where's Rem?"

"Charming. Just charming!"

"No," said a patient, in the nearest room.

"What do you mean, 'no'? It will help you."

Sirius's ears prickled. He knew that stubborn tone. He darted for the door, and flew into the room, causing the doctor's clipboard to be dropped and the papers scattered.

Remus was sat on the chair next to the bed, still fully dressed, his face stubbornly defiant with a cigarette perched behind his ear. The blood-stained tissue stuffed up his nose did nothing to show his seriousness, and his visible skin was heavily bruised and scratched, but he seemed mostly unharmed. He did, however, protest strongly when Sirius leapt into his lap.

"REMUS!"

"OW! Get OFF!"

Sirius landed heavily on the floor, with an indignant look on his handsome face. He settled for hanging onto Remus's leg like a toddler. "And how are you, darling?"

"He's trying to stab me with needles and fluids," Remus replied, eyeing the doctor with distaste.

Sirius puffed out his chest as best he could. "I'll protect you, Remmy. I shall be your knight in shining armour. Come and locate our noble steed. I think she's parked in an ambulance space, so we'd better be quick sharp about it."

"Much obliged." Remus stood a little shakily, but ignored Sirius's offered arm.

"Cheers, Doc!" said Sirius cheerfully, saluting the bemused doctor as he followed his boyfriend out of the hospital room.

The nurses that he had scattered earlier made way for them as they hurtled around the corners, grabbing James along the way.

"Give me your jacket," Remus instructed.

Sirius wordlessly obliged, and Remus tugged it on as they walked.

"So, who's minding the kitchen?" Remus asked, as they descended several flights of stairs to the car-park.

"Er... Lily, I guess."

"And how busy was it when you left?"

"Pretty fucking busy."

Remus looked decidedly unimpressed.

"What?"

Remus merely straddled Sirius's motorbike, and nicked the helmet. "See you later." And then, before either James or Sirius could protest, Remus kicked the bike off the stand, revved up the engine, and zoomed away.

-x~*~x-

"Remus!" Lily seemed delighted at the sight of the chef, who would surely restore order to the restaurant. "You're bleeding rather a lot."

"I won't dribble," Remus assured her, stripping off Sirius's leather jacket, and pulling on a black chef shirt, ladybird bandanna, and blue latex gloves. His eyes drank in the fluttering tickets of the orders, before he snapped into chef mind set, and got to work.

-x~*~x-

"... roundabout wanker, who seemed to think that it was his right to-"

"Remus! Darling!" Something warm and bouncy and very Sirius collided with Remus's side, bowling him over.

"You... wanker." Remus considered picking himself up off the locker room floor, but then relented, and merely shuffled so that he leant against one of the cool metal doors. Sirius snuggled up to him eagerly, and started to wipe off the blood from his boyfriend's nose with the corner of his shirt.

Lily -dressed in checks and a strappy black top- was sitting in the swivel chair pilfered from Peter's office. She smiled at their antics.

James strolled into the room, looking sheepish. He held out a glass of Locke's Single Malt to Remus as a peace offering.

Remus accepted.

(-)

**Thanks to everyone who's reviewed the last chapter: Sparkling Soul, ASinisterQuest, yHime, Sweet Lily Potter, Coja, Raven-of-the-forests, Owl-eats-waffles, xXxRizYxXx, Snowflake, TechNomaNcer28, Kimmimaru and Mizzi. You guys are simply the best :3**

**Thoughts on this chapter? **

**The next one will be longer and smuttier and generally more delicious ;)**

**xx**


	10. He tastes like you, only sweeter

**Love, Lettuce and Locke's Single Malt**

**Disclaimer: Very much not JKR. Praise her.**

**Lily comes to work at Peter's restaurant, Herbology, under the enigmatic head chef Remus Lupin. A tale of Love, Lettuce and Locke's Single Malt. RLxSB JpxLE**

**This one's for xXxGinnyxXx**

**(-)**

"Sooo..."

"Yeah."

"How did you even crash?"

"Some bloke on his phone pulled out in front of us on a road-about. James tried to swerve to avoid hitting him."

Remus and Sirius lay side by side on their lumpy mattress, facing each other, with a heavy tartan blanket arranged over their undressed bodies.

"You do realise that you're never getting into a car with Potter ever again, right?"

"Agreed," murmured Remus, tapping his partner's nose with his right index finger.

"Glad to hear it," said Sirius, shifting his head so that Remus would stroke his hair.

"Poor, demanding puppy," Remus remarked, quietly, as his fingers slid through the silky blackness of Sirius's hair.

Sirius's mushroom soup eyes were softly closed in contentment, and his lips fluttered open in a silent plea for more.

Remus pressed a kiss to the parted lips, his hands still tangled in Sirius's hair, and smiled softly at the surprised look on his partner's face.

"Hello," said Sirius.

"Hello, darling." Remus nuzzled Sirius's ear with his nose, savouring the memory of the tiny shiver that Sirius did at their closeness.

Sirius grumbled, flipping them over so that he could be on top of Remus. He attacked his lips with ferocity. "You-" _Kiss._ "-taste-" _Kiss._ "-fucking-" _Kiss._ "-delicious."

"But of course." Remus nipped Sirius's earlobe between his teeth, earning a sharp yelp and a distraction to switch their positions again.

"Ponce," Sirius muttered, without malice. He presented his face for another kiss, and was obliged. Their kiss became rougher as their tongues fought; alternating between sloppy wetness and nipping bites. "Rem..." His fine-boned fingers trailed lazily down the well-cut curve of his boyfriend's back, gliding over the ink that he himself had etched into the hard, warm skin. On his right shoulder blade; a pair of ruby lips and a paw-print with the word '_happiness_' woven around them.

"Shh..." Remus's tongue found his earlobe, teasing the tiny hoop earring that dangled there.

"Careful..." Sirius whispered softly, as teeth tugged on it gently.

Remus gave a breathless laugh, and his tongue replaced his teeth once more, tracing over the warm metal.

Sirius whimpered, and buried his face in Remus's shoulder, writhing up against the toffee-haired man. "Hurry up."

Remus chuckled airily into Sirius's hair, but reached onto their bedside table, pulling out a condom and a bottle of lubricant. After coating his fingers liberally, he got to work preparing his boyfriend carefully. "OK?" he murmured, after a while.

"Mm." Sirius's breath was hot and impatient against the side of Remus's face. "More."

Another finger was added, stretching and caressing.

"Siri?" Remus said, his voice almost a plea.

Sirius simply kissed him in response, and ended up moaning into Remus's mouth as he was entered gently.

"How you doing, puppy?" Remus murmured into his boyfriend's ear, stilling all movement.

To answer, Sirius merely tried to fuck himself against Remus, who laughed, and began a tentative pace, which grew steadily harder, faster, until Sirius was moaning and jerking delightfully every time that Remus skilfully hit his prostate.

After no time at all, Remus's frantic, almost desperate pace had reached its peak, and he was slowly withdrawing; spent and satisfied, while Sirius groaned at the feeling of being empty once more. Remus drank in all of his partner's complaints with a kiss so sloppy that it was almost undignified.

After they had both recovered their breath, Sirius mumbled something into Remus's warm shoulder.

"Hmm?"

"I said, I'm sticky." Sirius's tone was grumpy, as though he hadn't expected this to happen.

"Bath-time, puppy?"

"Are you joining me?"

Remus considered. "No. But I'll keep you company."

Sirius wrinkled his nose, but relented and stood up on shaky legs.

"Careful, you ponce," Remus muttered, as Sirius accidentally stumbled over his toes.

"Not a bad effort, Lupin," remarked Sirius, hanging onto the walls as he cautiously made his way to their tiny bathroom.

"Why, thank you," said Remus, dryly, lighting a cigarette before standing up.

Sirius set the taps running, filling the bath tub with steaming hot water.

Remus sat down on the floor, leaning back against the side of the tub, smoking.

"You know," Sirius mused, easing himself into the water, "water looks blue, but it's not." He stole Remus's cigarette, and took a deep drag from it.

Remus lit another, set it on his lip, and shuffled over to the bathroom cabinet. He opened the door, and pulled out a tiny packet of blue powder. He exhaled smoke into the steamy air, and sprinkled the powder into the bath water, marvelling at the way the droplets dissolved into dancing streamers, and then expanded into clouds as the water stained.

"Hey, the water's blue," said Sirius, exhaling earthy-smelling smoke.

"No shit," replied Remus, but smiled softly all the same.

"Do you think Lily will warm to Jamie?" Sirius asked, sinking deeper into the water.

"In time, perhaps," said Remus, "so long as he keeps his arrogance in check."

"Chances of that?"

"Piss-shit."

Sirius just laughed.

Their buzzer sounded, echoing through the flat.

"Ignore it," said Sirius.

"I was planning to," Remus assured him, taking another drag.

The buzzer went off again, more impatient this time.

"Oh," said Remus, an idea coming to him, "it might be-"

_BUZZ-BUZZ-BUZZ-BUZZ-BUZZ-BU-_

Remus ran for the door, pulling on a pair of Sirius's paw-printed boxers on on his way, and answered the buzzer. "Yes?"

"REM, let me up, I have BRILLIANT news!"

Remus let James in.

"Who is it?" Sirius demanded, from the bath.

"James," Remus called back.

"Eurgh. I'll stay put."

Remus located a t-shirt proclaiming: 'Awwwooooooooo werewolves of London' and tugged it on, without burning a hole in it.

James burst in, his face stretched out in a clown-like grin. "Remus, my friend, my man, my pack-mate, you have brought the most wonderful woman into my world. I am forever in your debt, my good fellow!" And then James Potter hugged Remus Lupin. And picked him up. And spun him around.

Sirius threw a rubber duck at his traitorous bespectacled best friend.

It bounced neatly off his skull.

"It went well with Lily, I take it," said Remus, thankful to have returned to ground level.

"Oh, yes. We have a date tonight. She thought the way I took you to hospital was very mature and sensible."

"Brilliant. I should break my nose more often." Smoke streamed from Remus's nostrils, giving him a slightly dragon-like appearance.

James stopped beaming momentarily, taking in Remus's slightly dishevelled appearance. "You look... ruffled, Remus Lupin. And you're wearing Sirius's clothes. And Sirius is oddly absent. And this whole flat stinks of sex."

Remus shrugged, and stubbed out his cigarette into a nearby ashtray. "Tea?"

"I was thinking more... champagne."

"Then buy some of your own." Remus stomped off into the kitchen area to put the kettle on.

James weighed up his options for a moment. "Back in five. And you'd better buzz me up."

"Sure."

James left the flat.

Remus found two mugs, and deposited a teabag into each. The water boiled, and he poured it in almost to the brim, before hooking the bags out with his thumb and index finger, and disposing of them. He carried the mugs back to the bathroom, where Sirius was examining his toenails with reserved interest.

"Who did you think it was?" Sirius asked, taking his mug of tea.

"Hmm?"

"At the door? You looked almost worried."

"Oh." Remus closed the toilet seat, and perched on it with his mug clasped in his hands. "We... that's to say, James and I, we saw your brother on our travels. I told him to visit if he wanted to."

Sirius blinked, obviously surprised. "Oh. Reg. OK."

"He seemed... a little deep."

Sirius closed his eyes. "Was he alright?"

"He's surviving."

"Better looking than me?"

"You're a very vain puppy."

"Well?" Sirius demanded.

"Girlier than you. Not an extra ounce on him."

"Explain."

"Neat little waist. Slim. Sharply dressed." Remus considered. "Not a bad rear."

"Are you perving on my baby brother, Lupin?" Sirius asked, indignantly, from the bath tub.

"Only a little."

Sirius turned sombre again. "Will he visit?"

"If he gets into trouble," said Remus. "If we don't see him, it's good."

"An odd spin, but I get you." Sirius sighed deeply. "Couldn't you have dragged him home with you?"

"He's not a puppy, puppy."

"I know; he's a kitten. Scratchy yet adorable. Wanker."

Remus took another sip of tea. "He'll be fine, Siri. Now, get some trousers on. I can't survive another James-hug."

(-)

**Thanks to everyone who's reviewed the last chapter! XxxGinnyxXx, Jael McHale, iblamethesea, Raven-of-the-forests, owl-eats-waffles, xXxRizYxXx, Sparkling Soul, anon, Snowflake, TechNomaNcer28, mizzi, yHime, AsinisterQuest, Kimmimaru and Sweet Lily Potter. You're all gorgeous and wonderful!**

**Thoughts on this chapter? **

**xx**


	11. A joke of a romantic

**Love, Lettuce and Locke's Single Malt**

**Disclaimer: Very much not JKR. Praise her.**

**Lily comes to work at Peter's restaurant, Herbology, under the enigmatic head chef Remus Lupin. A tale of Love, Lettuce and Locke's Single Malt. RLxSB JpxLE**

_Note: I wrote a chapter, then restarted it, because it felt too much like pointless filler. Hence, this chapter may seem a little fast-forwarded._

Three Months Later

Remus Lupin mumbled something about parrots. The early winter sunlight cast a soft light upon his sleeping face, illuminating it for Sirius to peer at.

A crease formed on the chef's forehead, as though sensing eyes upon him. His left eyelid rose suspiciously, closed, and then he blinked both awake. "Take what you want, just please don't hurt me," Remus said, in a monotone.

Sirius huffed, and rolled over in their bed, to face the ceiling. "James and Lily... engaged. What utter bullshit is that? Where is Potter, anyway?"

"Last I knew, he was trying to Google how to make a lily out of a paper napkin," Remus replied, sitting up slowly. "Time is it?"

"About... eight?"

Remus grunted, and pushed himself off the bed, picking up one of Sirius's shirts on his way up. He pulled it on, along with his checks, and shoved his feet into the biker boots strewn on the bedroom floor. "See you later," he said, picking up his helmet as he left. He closed the door softly.

Sirius glared at the ceiling. "Wish I hadn't woken him up now..."

-x~*~x-

The flat was a maze of cardboard boxes; Remus's were neatly taped and labelled (mostly with the word _'books'_), while Sirius's were stacked dangerously, all with '_shit'_ scrawled across them. Everything was packed, ready for them all to move into their new flat together the following day.

Their new place was set above a carpet warehouse, _("so noise was no issue," said the estate agent to Sirius, with a wink_), with three large bedrooms, a living room / kitchen / dining room, a bathroom, a balcony, and plenty of attic space.

By mutual consent (mainly agreed on by Sirius's whining), the spare third bedroom was designated to be Sirius's art studio. Remus and Lily's dreams of having an immaculate guest bedroom were overlooked briskly. James had fought valiantly for a ping-pong room.

And so, three days later, Remus was in the generously-ceilinged attic, riding around the empty, dark space on a bicycle that James had bought along.

Earlier, Sirius had popped his head up though the trapdoor to ask if Remus wanted coffee, and almost got run over. He was not amused.

Amazingly, Lily and James had already had their first argument, over Lily's many pairs of shoes, and she had looked set to stab him with her boot heel, before Sirius had discovered a pogo stick in the airing cupboard. Suffice to say, James and Sirius were then able to amuse themselves for a while... until they smashed one of Lily's ornaments.

Instead of flying into a rage, Lily simply walked into Remus and Sirius's bedroom, which was still largely unpacked. The smell of smoke was faint yet new, so Lily glanced around the apparently-empty room with suspicion. Her eyes were drawn to the faintly-smoking built-in wardrobe. She crossed the room to it, and knocked twice upon the closed door.

"'Lo."

She pulled open the door, and found Remus sitting on a nest on pillows, a cigarette in his hand, a book perched on his knee, and a torch dangling by a piece of string from the roof of the wardrobe.

"Evening," said Remus, folding down the corner of his page. "I heard a smash."

"They're like ten year-olds."

"I had noticed," mused Remus, offering her his cigarette.

She took it, and sucked in a sharp swallow, before handing it back.

"Better?"

"No," she said, sinking to the floor, leaning against the wardrobe door.

Remus reached behind himself, and pulled out a bottle of red wine. He pulled the cork out, and handed the bottle to Lily, who took a long pull gratefully. "Cheers."

-x~*~x-

Another Three Months Later

"Remus! Remus! Darling! Wake up! Remus! Remus!"

"Piss off."

"REMUS! James is getting married tomorrow! MARRIED! REMUS!"

There was a loud_ thunk_ as Remus rolled off the bed, away from the excitable Sirius, who seemed determined to break the bed springs with his overenthusiastic bouncing.

Remus stood up slowly, dressing as he made his way to the kitchen, and the accompanying sweet wonder of coffee. Sirius rushed after him like a happy puppy, practically nipping his ankles.

James and Lily were seated at the kitchen dining table, with cups of tea and pieces of toast in front of them. James looked green. Lily looked radiant.

"Right-o, old chap, let's make haste!" announced Sirius, cheerfully seizing James's collar and pulling him towards the front door.

James's eyes bulged as he lost his air supply, and his arms flailed like fish tails, but Remus calmly gulped down the rest of James's tea, and took his toast for the journey. He lazily saluted Lily as he wandered out of the flat at a far more leisurely pace.

"Have fun tonight," he said to her.

"You too," she replied, "but not too much. And make sure that he gets to the wedding!"

"Sure," Remus said. "We'll get him there, don't worry. The venue for the stag party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons."

-x~*~x-

James groaned heavily, and opened his eyes with considerable effort. He was in a small, dark room, propped up against a large freezer, with a street sign tucked under his arm.

He blinked several times, and chanced standing up, relying heavily upon the freezer. He manoeuvred his way across the room of the storage shed, and tried to open the door, but it appeared to be locked.

He groaned again, and returned to the freezer, laying on top of the cool surface in an attempt to ease his pounding headache.

"Bloody Sirius. Bloody Remus. Bloody alcohol..." he mumbled to the wall.

To top matters, his phone started ringing, churning out an impossibly cheery, shrill ringtone. He flapped his hand at it, and held it to his ear.

"Why are you phoning me? Where am I?" he demanded.

"Ah, good, you're alive," came Remus's voice.

"Where am I? Where are you? What time is it? What day is it?"

"We have plenty of time. Just try and let me locate you to start with. Any landmarks? Are you in a building or are you outside?"

"I'm in a shed. With a freezer. And everything hurts."

"Excellent! You're in the restaurant, too."

"Where are you?" James inquired.

"The kitchen," said Remus. "The Trumpet Major, I believe."

"How do you know that?"

"I once stole their onion supply when we got low at Herbology," said Remus, easily. "I'll be with you in just a moment." He hung up.

James sighed heavily, tasting alcohol on his teeth.

Not five minutes later, the store room door opened, and Remus grinned at James, who was still draped across the chest freezer.

"The... hell?"

"Ah." Remus held up the garden gnome which he had in his possession. "Any memories of this little chap?"

James sighed. "You... passed me on a bicycle. It had a basket on the front, with that gnome in it."

"Marvellous. Have you seen Sirius at all?"

"No. Have you called him?"

"No answer."

"Oh. Any idea where he could be?"

Remus shrugged, and lit a cigarette. "I recall him writing 'fuck the law' on his t-shirt in permanent marker pen. He might be safely in prison."

"That's the hope," said James, standing up shakily, knocking over the roadworks sign in the process.

"Indeed." Remus picked up the road sign, and tucked it under his arm. "Right. Where shall we look?"

(-)

**Thanks to everyone who's reviewed the last chapter! AsinisterQuest, OC, anon, SiriusRemus4Ever, Raven-of-the-forests, mizzi, yHime, Coja, TechNomaNcer28, iblamethesea, Sweet Lily Potter, Kimmimaru, xXxGinnyxXx and Lizzy0308. You're all wonderful and I wish that I could give you all a piece of the lemon cheesecake that I've just finished decorating.**

**Thoughts on this chapter? **

**xx**


	12. Let your body get a tolerance

**Love, Lettuce and Locke's Single Malt**

**Disclaimer: Very much not JKR. Praise her.**

**Lily comes to work at Peter's restaurant, Herbology, under the enigmatic head chef Remus Lupin. A tale of Love, Lettuce and Locke's Single Malt. RLxSB JpxLE**

_Blimey 'eck, I just need to get the bank to OK my mortgage, and then I'll have a flat. SCARED. I'll have bills and I'll have to learn to use a washing machine. EEP._

Three hours later, and James was growing fidgety.

There had been no sign of Sirius so far, it was only three hours until the wedding, and he was only wearing Christmas-themed boxers, adorned with reindeer.

Remus was in slightly better nick, wearing heavily ripped jeans, a rather dirty white tuxedo shirt, and mirrored aviator sunglasses which they had found in the restaurant. He was, however, still carrying the garden gnome and street sign.

They were beginning to attract looks.

"Good day," said Remus, to yet another stranger, "have you happened to see a black-haired chap in a similar state of hung-over-ness on your travels this morning? No? Ah, thank you, have a nice day."

"Shall we call the cops? Or the hospital?"

"Best not," said Remus, leaning heavily against a lamppost. "God, I'm still drunk."

"Where could he be?" James moaned, now really, really wanting to lie down on a comfortable, horizontal surface.

Remus simply lit a cigarette in response.

"Smoking, at a time like this?" demanded James, sounding ever so slightly hysterical. "Really?"

"This is how I cope," Remus retorted, coolly, strolling off.

"Remus! REMUS! We can't walk into the town centre dressed like this!"

"Why?"

James gestured at his mostly-unadorned body. "Why? Why? Why not? Give me your jeans."

"No can do; I'm commando at the moment."

"Remus!"

"Oh, what? You carry the street sign, if you're so concerned about covering up!" Remus thrust the sign into James's resisting arms, and kept walking, still clutching the gnome.

James quickly caught up with him, holding onto the sign as though it was an invisibility shield against unfriendly, judging eyes. "Remus, I feel horribly exposed."

Remus dialled Sirius's number into his phone again, and held it to his ear. "His phone's still off. How inconsiderate."

"What do you mean, inconsiderate? We don't know where he is!"

Remus gave him a look, and then looked past him, at a skip on the corner of the road. "Ah, we do." He dropped his cigarette, and hurried over to the skip, where Sirius was lounging, passed out. "We've found our stray pup." He climbed gracefully into the rubble, and nudged Sirius awake.

"Alright, Rem?" Sirius mumbled, stretching out his back.

"You look like shit, puppy."

"Occupational hazard. My back hurts." He sat up carefully, and fell forwards into Remus's patiently waiting arms. He allowed himself to be hauled out of the skip, and grinned at James. "You ponce, wandering around in your pants. Covering up with a street sign, honestly..."

"You're one to talk, wrapped up in a child's towel!" James argued.

"Ah..." Sirius was indeed merely wearing a Power Puff Girls towel around his waist, with 'FUCK THE LAW' scrawled across his chest in biro. "What happened to my t-shirt?"

"No idea," said Remus, "but you're hobbling."

"My feet kill," said Sirius, leaning against the skip. "I must have some mega blisters. Potter, take a look. I can't bear it at the moment."

"I refuse to peek up your towel, mate," said James.

Sirius raised one foot off the ground, and held it out to James for inspection.

"H-Holy... fuck..." James backed away swiftly.

"What?" Sirius demanded, grabbing his foot to examine it himself. "FUCK!"

"What is it?" Remus asked.

Sirius held his foot out gingerly. There was a pawprint on the base of his foot, inky black, with the surrounding skin being reddened and tender.

"Wow. Puppy pawprints."

"Tattooed. This is rather painful."

"Does your other foot match?"

"Maybe. James...?"

James dutifully peered at the other foot. "I'm afraid so, mate."

Sirius made a long, moaning sound. "Rem, you're going to have to carry me. I can't walk on these stupid things."

"I'm not carrying you across town in that towel," Remus replied, sternly.

"Remus!" Sirius was fully whining now, looking utterly ridiculous.

"Right, ponces, I have a wedding to get to," James interrupted, before they could engage in a lovers' spat next to the skip. "Where are our suits and things?"

"The restaurant," said Remus.

"OK, then, let's go there. We can get coffee and things."

"OK," said Remus.

Sirius slid an arm around Remus's shoulders, supporting himself. "Shoes would be good right now. And maybe some warmth. It is only March."

"Man up," James muttered.

Remus lit a cigarette as best he could, and set it defiantly on his lip. "Let's make this quick."

-x~*~x-

"My feet! My feeeeeet!" Sirius whined dramatically, collapsing onto the nearest chair, once they were safely in Herbology.

"My ears," Remus muttered, making a beeline for the coffee machine.

"There are showers here, right?" James checked, after a swift sniff of his armpit.

"Through the locker room," said Remus, waving his hand impatiently in the general direction. Instead of waiting half an hour for the proper coffee machine to warm up, he put the kettle on, and started spooning instant coffee granules into espresso cups.

"You look a little battered, darling," Sirius noted, after placing his newly-tattooed feet up onto a table.

"I don't remember a considerable amount of last night," Remus stated, plainly. He poured boiling water into six tiny cups, and handed two to Sirius.

"This raises a dim memory of shots," Sirius mused, sniffing delicately at the first one.

"I remember whiskey, bitter, Baileys, and apple sourz," said Remus, tossing one and then two down his throat with a slight grimace.

Sirius grinned, and followed suit. "Christ. Battery acid."

"Tea?"

"Please."

Remus allowed himself a small smile as he prepared a mug of tea for his boyfriend. Sirius took it gratefully, and took a sip.

"Cheers, Rem." Tired cement eyes closed momentarily, and Remus sank into the chair opposite, nursing a mug of black coffee, two sugars.

James trudged back into the dining room about twenty minutes later, with two tea-towels knotted around his waist to preserve his modesty, and immediately downed the two espresso shots. "Do... do we get dressed yet? Is it too early?"

Remus lazily checked the clock on the wall. "I'd give it another hour."

"Oh." James sat down gingerly. "Well, I have nothing else to wear, so... stuck in these." He gestured at the tea-towels. "Yeah." He paused. "Remus, I need a cigarette."

"You don't smoke."

"I need one. Please?"

"You'll have to go outside with it," Remus warned, taking his pack of Marlboros out of his back pocket. He handed them to James, along with a cheap lighter.

"Much obliged." James fled, to go out the back.

"Do you ever... you know?" Sirius asked, quite suddenly, his eyes fixed on the ceiling.

"No, I don't know," Remus replied, taking a gulp of cold coffee.

"Marriage... and stuff. Do you ever... think about it?"

"No."

"Oh. Good."

"I find it pointless. It's just a very expensive, very uncomfortable affair which is essentially just a big public announcement of the fact that you are having sex that night."

"Oh, Remus Lupin, you are such a romantic, you make me swoon so..." Sirius teased, finally meeting his partner's eyes, though his cheeks were tinted pink.

"Well, do you? Really?"

Sirius shrugged, his eyes back on the ceiling. "Once or twice. It makes everything... official, you know?" He wiggled his toes.

"Well... do you..." Cough. "Do you... want to?"

"Sometimes I toy with the idea, but... you'd hate it, wouldn't you?"

"Yes," said Remus, honestly.

"Then we won't. It's not like we need a piece of paper, anyway, do we?"

"Certainly not."

"Good," said Sirius. "Good. That's good."

"If you ever... yeah... we can... do something, I guess. A compromise of sorts."

"I'll be the one in the dress," teased Sirius, draining the rest of his tea. He set his empty mug on the table, and settled down comfortably, his eyes closing softly.

Remus smirked slightly, stood quietly, picked Sirius's mug up, and kissed his forehead as he went into the wash-up room. He deposited their mugs into the sink, leant against it, and smiled stupidly at the ceiling. "Oh, you ponce," he muttered, affectionately.

(-)

**Many thanks to TheButterflyCurse996, Yukiki no Kyuubi no Kitsune, jack, owl-eats-waffles, Raven-of-the-forests, sumeRsuiriS, Sweet Lily Potter, iblamethesea, Sorn The Lucifer's Angel, TechNomaNcer28, Sparkling Soul, Kimmimaru, and WerewolvesAndCo for their wonderful reviews!**

**I made Golden Snitch cupcakes for you all in spirit. But in reality, my friends ate them. :3**

**Cheers, and your thoughts on this chapter are much appreciated!**

**xx**


	13. I know this hurts It was meant to

**Love, Lettuce and Locke's Single Malt**

**Disclaimer: Very much not JKR. Praise her.**

**Lily comes to work at Peter's restaurant, Herbology, under the enigmatic head chef Remus Lupin. A tale of Love, Lettuce and Locke's Single Malt. RLxSB JPxLE**

"Why, Mr Lupin, I never knew that you could dance!"

Remus smiled, and twirled Lily again, before enfolding her in his arms again, letting her rest her forehead against his shoulder. "Have you enjoyed today?"

"Very much so," she replied, as they continued to move around in a slow circle. "Very, very much so."

"You look ever so lovely," he told her, truthfully, for her long, simple, white wedding dress complimented her figure beautifully, and her excited green eyes gave her a radiant glow.

"Why, thank you," she giggled, a delicate blush staining her cheeks.

"In fact," said Remus, leaning closer to whisper in her ear, "I can hear James's knuckles cracking from here. I'd better return you."

Lily laughed, but allowed Remus to steer their dance over to her new husband, who swept her off as soon as they reached him.

Remus grabbed a drink from the bar, and made his way over to Sirius, who was entertaining one of Lily's relatives with childhood stories of James.

Everyone was smiling, laughing, talking... everyone was happy... until Remus turned up to work the following morning.

-x~*~x-

"Remus?" Oddly, Peter was standing in the kitchen, looking rather nervous, with another man that Remus did not know.

Remus attempted a smile, standing there with his bag on his shoulder, wearing jeans and a crumpled shirt. "Alright, Peter?"

"No, actually... we need to have a talk."

Remus raised an eyebrow. "What seems to be the problem?"

Peter looked to the other man, who was slightly shorter than Remus, with a pointed face, dark hair, and incredibly cold eyes. "Ah... you see..."

"Do you know who I am, Mr Lupin?" the cold-eyed man asked, interrupting Peter.

Remus tilted his head an inch to the left. "I'm afraid not."

"Remus, this is _my_ boss, Mr Riddle," said Peter, quickly.

"Ah, the boss of my boss," said Remus, "pleased to meet you at last." He held out his hand.

Riddle raised a thin eyebrow, and Remus dropped his hand, more wary than ever. "Peter was just telling me about how good you are at your job," he said, crisply. "The same honours, however, cannot be expressed about your cleanliness." He looked pointedly at the six espresso cups from the previous morning, which were stacked neatly in the sink, ready to be washed. "Your frequent visitors during work hours have also been noted. I'll be watching you closely, Lupin." And with that, he brushed past Remus, and walked out of the restaurant.

Remus raised his eyebrows at Peter, who smiled sheepishly. "Should I be worried?"

"He's normally like that; don't worry," said Peter, but he had beads of sweat on his pasty forehead. "Ah... carry on." He scurried out of the kitchen as quickly as he could, leaving Remus in a confused, annoyed state.

He changed briskly into his checks and white shirt, and tied a black bandanna neatly over his hair. With a slight frown on his face, he weighed out bread flour for making focaccia, and channelled his ill-feelings towards the Riddle man into kneading the bread upon the worktop.

-x~*~x-

"Remus!" Sirius's head -beaming grin in place- was thrust into the chained metal curtain which seperated the kitchen from the restaurant.

"Bit busy, Siri," Remus called, for he was by himself in the kitchen whilst Lily was on her honeymoon. He shook a pan of garlic mushrooms on the hob, and tried to locate the parsley on the spice shelf. A microwave beeped insistently at the other end of the kitchen.

Sirius's face dropped a little. "But... Rem, I've had a brilliant idea!"

"Tell me later." Remus spun around, pouring hot soup into a bowl without splashing. A quick, perfectly formed spiral of single cream garnished it neatly, along with two slices of rosemary focaccia on the side of the oval plate.

"Do you need help in here?" Sirius inquired, looking over his shoulder for a passing waiter.

"I'm fine!" Remus snapped, irritable from burning his fingers on the mushroom pan.

"But-!"

"Sirius." Remus's suddenly cold tone held no arguments.

"Right. Fine." With a flicker of a dejected pout, Sirius turned and left.

"Wise move," said a cold voice from behind him, near the back door of the kitchen.

Remus barely shot Riddle a glance. He plated up the troublesome garlic mushrooms, and pressed the button to summon a waiter for service. He snatched up the next order ticket that came clunking through the machine, and put two servings of the borlotti bean soup on the hob.

One of the waiters -Sev- came for pick-up. "Saw Sirius storming off. Lover's spat?" he inquired, good-humouredly, as he picked up the two plates.

"Piss off," Remus retorted, with a hint of warning in his voice.

Sev took the hint, and disappeared quickly.

"Figures," said Riddle, his voice a blizzard.

"Excuse me?" Remus turned to face the other man.

"Quite the temper. And a faggot to boot. You have very little going for you, Lupin."

For once, Remus Lupin was quite stunned. Though he wasn't new to being the recipient of gay-bashing, never had someone been quite so forward about it to his face. Of course, there had always been harsh whispers, and the occasional brave name-calling in the school corridors, but never had anyone dared to say it so plainly, maliciously, directly to him.

Riddle smirked in a self-satisfied way, before slinking out of the door.

Remus jerked his body into motion, pouring out the soup before it could burn the bottom of the pan. A splash against the side of the bowl made him blink. He placed the empty pan on the worktop, and held out his hands. They were shaking. He swallowed, and cut four slices of rosemary focaccia with care not to turn the entire loaf into breadcrumbs. He pressed the button for pick-up.

Frank appeared this time, his trademark smile fading when he observed the stiff set of Remus's jaw. "Alright, chef?"

Remus gave him a stiff nod, and set to cleaning down his work station.

Frank took the plates to the table, and returned to the kitchen with a glass containing a double shot of whiskey. He winked at Remus, pressed it into his hand, and left.

Remus looked down into the depths of the amber liquid. The glass was slightly warm from being in the dishwasher. He downed it in two quick swallows, but the burn in his throat was oddly unsatisfying.

-x~*~x-

Frank walked Remus home, via the pub. Remus remained even more silent and stony than usual, despite Frank's attempts to draw him into conversation. When they reached the flat, Frank made a last-bid attempt to drag a smile out of Remus.

"Aren't you going to invite me up?" he asked, jokingly. "Not even a kiss for my efforts?"

Remus peered at him. "It's not you; it's me. But you're pretty. You'll find someone better."

"So, I'm pretty, but not as pretty as your boyfriend, yes?"

"Correct. My apologies."

Frank grinned, and clapped Remus on the back. "See you tomorrow, chef."

"Thanks, Frank."

"Anytime." Hands in his pockets, Frank began the lonely walk back to his place.

Remus sighed, and punched in the door release code to the flat. He climbed the spiralling staircase two stairs at a time, and walked into the darkened flat. "Sirius?"

"Alright?" Sirius was sat on the window ledge of their bedroom, a smouldering cigarette in his hand, staring out over the town.

Remus flicked on the floor lamps, and sat down heavily on their bed. He leant backwards, and closed his eyes.

There was a faint hiss as Sirius extinguished his cigarette in a droplet of water on a chipped saucer. "What happened?"

Remus opened his mossy eyes. "Riddle."

"I hardly think now is the time for a brain teaser."

"Peter's boss. Thomas Riddle. Right bastard."

"How so?"

Remus shrugged.

"Well, it can't be anything to do with your work."

"What makes you say that?"

"Since when do you go hunting for compliments, Remus Lupin?" Sirius teased. "You're a great chef. Always neat and tidy, everything is done punctually, and you're never ill."

Remus sighed. "He doesn't like me because of you."

"I've never even met the tosser," said Sirius. "Have I?"

"Not that I know of."

"Then... Oh. Our relationship." Sirius thought for a moment. "Did he say something to you?"

"Quite a few things, actually." Remus's throat was suddenly tight. He felt over-worked, under-paid, under-appreciated, angry, annoyed, stressed, and more than a little drunk. He just wanted the oblivion of sleep.

"Like what?"

"Does it matter?" Remus snapped. "It was the truth."

"Maliciously put, though, no doubt. How long will he be sniffing around?"

"I don't fucking know. Or care, for that matter."

"You should," Sirius retorted.

"Why? I'm still on a shitty wage, doing a dull job, for two dickhead bosses who don't appreciate my efforts."

"You're not obliged to stay there," said Sirius, "you could quit."

Remus smiled bitterly at the ceiling. "We need an income, Sirius. We can't survive on splashes of paint."

Sirius swallowed a biting retort. "You could get a different job. I could get a different job."

"I comb the newspaper every day, Sirius. There aren't any."

"Are you still happy there?"

"I'm unchallenged. It was pleasant, especially since Lily turned up. I'm indifferent to it."

"Then I have an idea."

**Thanks to everyone who's reviewed the last chapter: Yukiko no Kyuubi no Kitsune, anon, Raven-of-the-forests, TheButterflyCurse996, anon, lmboulevardes, iblamethesea, Lizzy0308, Coja, TechNomaNcer28, Sparkling Soul, SiriusRemus4Ever, Sorn The Lucifer's Angel, mizzi, Kimmimaru, and WerewolvesAndCo. It's great to know that you're all sticking with me for this story :3**

**xx**


	14. It's not worth the hearing you'll lose

**Love, Lettuce and Locke's Single Malt**

**Disclaimer: Very much not JKR. Praise her.**

**Lily comes to work at Peter's restaurant, Herbology, under the enigmatic head chef Remus Lupin. A tale of Love, Lettuce and Locke's Single Malt. RLxSB JPxLE**

"Siri, I love you, dearly, but... you are... deluded."

Sirius made a spluttering noise in response. "Deluded? _Deluded?_"

"Well, you are aware that our money funds are... meagre at worst, alright at best?"

"Irrelevant. Remus, if we can get James and Lily on board -"

"Sirius. Really. We can't drag them down with us into unemployment and misery," said Remus, closing his toffee eyes and spreading his arms and legs so that he lay like a starfish upon their bed.

"Oh, stop being dramatic," Sirius scoffed. "Rem. Think about it. Our own bar. Club. Whatever you want to call it. You could give up all of this high-pressure chef stuff, and just chill out with a Mojito all night. Remember those, when we first got together, travelling?"

Remus's lips turned upwards into a smile. "Mojitos for breakfast, because they had mint in them. Practically toothpaste. I'm surprised we survived those days."

"Minty fresh breath, though..."

"The days when mint leaves counted as food," said Remus, "yes. They were the ones."

"We could go back to that," said Sirius, "except that we'd be _earning money for it._ Tell me you'd hate that."

"Of course I'd like that, Siri, but... think. Rationally. Properly. Are there even any clubs on sale at the moment?"

"Two, within our price range, and the surrounding area," said Sirius, promptly.

"Within our price range, huh? Because our opinions on that differ considerably."

"I'm sure," said Sirius. "Trust me on that."

Remus turned his head to look at his lover. "Are you all right?"

"Of course I am."

Remus pressed the matter no further. He sighed. "So, you're serious about this?"

"Of course I'm Sirius. And I've booked viewings. So get your arse over there during your lunch break tomorrow."

Remus looked over at him fondly. "You're awfully demanding, you know that?"

"Yep," said Sirius, popping the 'p'. "But you should know now that it's the norm."

-x~*~x-

When they left the first club the following afternoon, Sirius was bouncing up and down, a grin plastered across his handsome face.

"I like it. I like it. I really like it. Really, really. Remus, don't you love it? Pretty lights and things. Remus? Remus!"

Remus was quickly edging away, distancing himself from the over-active five year-old in a man's body.

Sirius caught up with him, practically nipping his heels. "Remus!"

"Calm down, puppy," Remus almost begged, trying to ignore the stares of passing people as Sirius ran circles around his lover. "It was nice. We'll take James and Lily with us, yes?"

"Shall I call and arrange another viewing already?" Sirius asked, eagerly taking out his mobile phone.

"We need to consult them about it first," said Remus, primly, lighting a cigarette. "Don't be hasty."

"Alright, Treebeard, but admit it! It was great!"

"Yes, it was nice." Remus crossed the road, heading for the restaurant. "See you later, Siri."

"Remus!" yelled Sirius, from the opposite pavement. "I want to paint a firework on the wall! What shall we name it?"

"Goodbye!" Remus shouted back. He let himself into the kitchen, and threw the remains of his cigarette into the outside drain.

"Name what?" Sev inquired, from his perch on one of the worktops.

"Er... puppy."

"Quite a commitment," said Sev. "Watch out, though: my last girlfriend killed my goldfish."

Remus blinked. "How horrible."

"Yep." Sev returned to ground level. "By the way... What Riddle said to you yesterday... bang out of line, the tosser. Doesn't know what he's talking about."

Remus was suddenly struck with an overwhelming fondness for his co-workers, who dealt with his unpredictable temperament and prickly exterior on a daily basis. Who looked after him with shots of vodka pilfered from the bar, and took him to the pub afterwards, and got him home safely. "Thanks, Sev."

Sev shrugged, and left the kitchen to go and stand at the bar.

-x~*~x-

When James and Lily arrived back from their honeymoon, there was a blur of paper, pens and catalogues, along with the tapping of laptop keys and phone numbers.

James was enthusiastic, having experience in the bar-tending industry, and an eagerness to finally get to work with his best mate.

Lily was keen yet level-headed, drawing up endless price quotes in long lists on spreadsheets.

Sirius had painted one of the living room walls white, so that they could write directly onto it. Capital letters two-feet tall each spelt out the word 'MARAUDER' in a large bubble in the centre of the wall, with several lines coming out of it.

Remus dropped his keys on the nearest coffee table and shrugged off his coat. "What's 'Marauder'?"

"Why, Remmy, it's a bandit, outlaw, raider or such like-"

"I know what it is, I'm just confused as to why it's scrawled across the wall."

"-who moves about in a roving fashion looking for plunder."

"Sirius."

"It's the name of the club," announced Sirius. "Unless you have any objections?"

"Nope. That's fine with me."

"Marvellous. Now, come-come. Lily wants to know who supplies _Herbology _with their booze to see which is the best quote for Jagermeister..."

-x~*~x-

The differences between Remus and Sirius's ideas of organisation became blatantly obvious later that evening. Remus had designated himself a notebook in which to write down everything in clear, printed handwriting, with different coloured pens for different things, and labelled strips of paper acting a separators. Sirius had white-washed another wall so that his mind map could further expand.

At 3am, they had retired to their bedroom, and Sirius was sprawled across their bed, wearing Remus's snuggly dressing gown and an ear-flap hat, while Remus was perched on the window ledge, smoking.

"Can we steal Sev and Frank?" Remus asked, suddenly.

"What?"

"I don't want to leave them behind," said Remus. "They're both good workers, and they know what they're doing."

"If you think you can transfer a whole restaurant of staff to it, then go ahead," said Sirius, with a smile. "I didn't realize you liked them so much."

"Neither did I," replied Remus, exhaling a lungful of smoke.

The doorbell rang, buzzing through the flat.

Sirius frowned. "Who can that be? We're a bunch of loners."

Remus laughed, and stood up to go and answer it. "If it's Riddle, I say we wrap him in a carpet roll and leave him in the basement store room."

"Agreed."

Remus padded barefoot out into the living room, and pressed the intercom. "Hello?"

_'Lupin?'_

"Yeah?"

_'You could have just told me you didn't want me to visit. You didn't have to move house.'_

Remus laughed. "Hi, Reg."

**Thanks to everyone who's reviewed the last chapter: SiriusRemus4Ever, Yukiko no Kyuubi no Kitsune, Coja, rqqi, TechNomaNcer28, lmboulevardes, Sparkling Soul, TheButterflyCurse996, Kimmimaru, and Raven-of-the-forests. You guys give me fuzzy insides. **

**Anyone spot the Lord of the Rings reference? ;)  
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**xx**


	15. Known for my hits, not just my misses

**Love, Lettuce and Locke's Single Malt**

**Disclaimer: Very much not JKR. Praise her.**

**Lily comes to work at Peter's restaurant, Herbology, under the enigmatic head chef Remus Lupin. A tale of Love, Lettuce and Locke's Single Malt. RLxSB JpxLE**

_My apologies for the delay: I have been away road-tripping for a while with a very dear friend, and then everything was just wayyyy tooooo muchhhh. However, back now! Hope you enjoy the chapter!_

"Remus! Who is it at this ridiculous hour?" Sirius hollered from their bedroom.

"Someone who looks a hell of a lot like you," Remus replied, as he opened the door to Regulus, who was drenched from the rain without a coat.

Sirius gave a loud, irritated huff, and emerged, wrapped up in a bed sheet with his dark hair in disarray. "Eurgh."

Regulus walked straight past them, and went into the kitchen. He located a bottle of red wine and took a swig. "Do you have a towel?"

"Don't tell me I look like that?" Sirius muttered, throwing a fluffy towel -courtesy of Lily's regular laundry- at his brother.

"Well, the black eye does set you apart," murmured Remus, eyeing the dark bruise on Regulus's pale face. "Bathroom's on your right. I'll find you some dry clothes."

"Much obliged." Regulus disappeared through the door, and closed it softly.

"It would have been nice to be acknowledged," said Sirius, grumpily. "I mean, we are brothers. And I haven't seen him in about four years."

The water started in the shower.

"Why do you think he's here?" Sirius demanded, picking up the bottle of wine that Regulus had swigged out of.

"He wouldn't tell me what he's up to these days," said Remus, collapsing elegantly onto a floor cushion with a bottle of whiskey.

"He looks awfully shifty. Do I look that shifty? Is that why the people at the bank always eye me with suspicion?"

Remus merely took a long drink from the bottle.

James took that moment to pad out of his and Lily's bedroom, wearing her dressing gown. "Who is calling at this ridiculous hour?" he demanded, his hair even more frightfully untidy than usual. "And why are they using the shower? You know the water pump makes a racket."

"Reg," said Remus, with a shrug.

"Well, why's he here?"

"No idea," said Sirius. "Though I doubt it's just a social call."

James merely grunted, wrenched the bottle of whiskey from Remus's hand, and returned to his bedroom.

"Someone's cheerful this morning," Remus muttered, staring at his empty hand with distaste.

The shower stopped.

Remus stood up, and went to fetch clothes from Sirius's overflowing wardrobe. He piled up a small selection right outside the bathroom door, gave it a quick tap, and then returned to the living room.

"You think he might be hungry?" Sirius inquired, trying and failing to be nonchalant.

Remus went rifling through the cupboards, discovering soup, baked beans, pasta, and bread.

Sirius peered at the cans of soup. "He likes mushroom best."

Remus smiled a tiny little smile that Sirius ignored, and poured the soup into a saucepan to put on the hob.

Regulus emerged from the bathroom, damp-haired but looking much better.

"Soup?" Remus inquired of him.

Regulus opened his mouth to decline, paused, and then said, "Sure. Thanks."

Sirius poured out three glasses of red wine, and handed one to his younger brother. "Good to see you again, squirt."

"Wish I could say the same to you," Regulus retorted.

Sirius huffed irritably. "Fine. Whatever. Pay up. Bed and breakfast, plus extra for dinner."

"Good luck with that," said Regulus, toasting him with his glass.

"Say what?"

"Lost it all," said Regulus, mostly to the drop of ruby liquid that had splashed onto the side of the glass.

"Fuck... How?"

"A variety. Mostly, by putting my trust in the wrong people." He settled into a floor cushion.

Sirius and Remus exchanged a look.

"How much are we talking?" Remus inquired, after a pause.

"Ten million."

Sirius's eyelids closed as he sighed.

"Any way of getting it back?" Remus asked, carefully.

"Nope."

"How do you know that?"

"Because I walked away, not them."

"Right. OK."

The smell of burning alerted Remus's sharp chef nose to the soup on the hob, and he dashed to get it.

Then the smoke alarm went off.

Sirius started beating it with a cushion, eventually silencing it.

James lurched out of his bedroom again, wielding a pillow, which he proceeded to thwack against Sirius's head. Only... it wasn't Sirius.

Regulus jumped to his feet, eyes wide and frightened, spilling wine and scattering cushions.

James dropped the cushion in shock. "Oh. Shit. You two look identical. It's scary."

The Black brothers gave him identical looks of disdain.

Wisely, James didn't comment.

Remus cut two slices of bread to go with the soup.

"What are we going to do with you, Reg?" Sirius murmured, draining his wine smoothly.

"Offer me a room and a job?" Regulus suggested, bitterly.

Remus smiled. "Sure. You've tended a bar before, right?"

"Certainly." He peered at James and Sirius, who were looking rather smug. "What?"

"I get to boss you around," Sirius half-sang.

"I wonder what that's like..." said Regulus, mockingly. "Hang on... Remus, you said that you didn't work with him."

"We're... um... we're setting up business, actually," said Remus, passing a plate of soup and bread to Regulus.

Regulus's lips twisted up darkly. "I have contacts. This could be fun."

James's eyebrows shot up into his hair. "Lily will not approve!" he said, warningly, jabbing a finger at them all, glasses askew.

"Good night, Potter," said Sirius, pointedly. "Regulus, eat your soup."

"Yes, Mum," they both drawled.

-x~*~x-

Riddle was snooping around the restaurant the following evening, picking on everything from Remus's exhausted state, Frank's poorly folded napkins, and Sev's cheerless manner. He probed all of the food that Remus sent out, marking down temperatures on a clipboard. Peter was beside himself, visibly sweating and shaking.

Remus finally lost his cool after he caught Riddle in the wash-up room, shouting at Lily. He stepped between them firmly, holding Lily's offered hand as he did so, to ground them both.

"Any kitchen problems should be directed to the head chef," Remus said, coolly.

"Side towels," began Riddle, promptly. "Two were designated to each of you at the start of service today, yet she insists on using more than her allowance."

"Side towels," Remus repeated, hollowly.

Lily squeezed his hand warningly.

"Side towels..."

"Yes, side towels," said Riddle, angrily.

"Right." Remus scratched the back of his head with his free hand. "Right. In that case, consider this my written notice. I'm gone in two weeks."

"And me," said Lily, from Remus's shoulder.

"Go, then!" Riddle bellowed. "Screw the two weeks! Go, now! Get out of my sight!"

"Gladly." Remus didn't turn his back as he and Lily left the wash-up to go to the locker room, badly masking huge grins. "Side towels," Remus snorted, as he pulled off his whites and replaced them with jeans and a light blue t-shirt. He eyed his work clothing disdainfully. "I say we burn this shit."

"Agreed," said Lily, adding hers to the pile on the bench. She cleared out her locker, and set the contents in Remus's backpack.

They returned to the kitchen -where orders were streaming in through the till-feed- and started stripping it of their embedded quirks: the cigarette packet taped to the side of the microwave, the vodka in the freezer [for the chefs' use only], the radio tuned to a probably-illegal local rock station, the cannabis hidden in with the selection of dried herbs on one of the shelves, the pen-knife in the pen pot, the condoms in the pen pot, the lighters in the pen pot, the keys to Peter's house under the pen pot...

Sev walked into the kitchen, and immediately looked confused at their civilian clothing. "Off somewhere?"

"Quit," said Remus, with a smile, perching a cigarette between his teeth.

Sev looked at Lily. "You, too?"

"Yep. We're burning uniform." She took one of Remus's cigarettes.

Sev grinned. "Where are you going?"

"We're opening a bar," said Remus. "There's a job for you there if you want one."

"Frank?"

"Yeah."

"I'll confer. Might see you in the car park?" Sev was visibly buzzing.

"Five minutes," said Remus, with faux-exasperation.

Sev nodded, and disappeared back into the bar.

"Car park?" Lily asked.

"Wages," Remus corrected her. "And I need to say goodbye to some of our regulars." He led the way into the bar, where Riddle was shouting at Peter, despite the disturbed customers. A few of them brightened when Lily and Remus appeared. "Bathilda! How are you, young lady?"

Bathilda Bagshot abandoned her bowl of borlotti bean soup to grasp his hand and pull him down to kiss his cheek. "You're not going, Remus? No one makes food as lovely as you do. You must give me your honey cake recipe, at the very least..."

He smiled warmly at her, scribbled down Sirius's phone number on a napkin, and pressed it into her hand. "Anything you ever want," he told her, sincerely, kissing the back of her hand like a true gentleman.

"Chocolate brownies at four in the morning?" she inquired, cheekily.

"For you, my darling, anything," he said.

"Good luck, Remus," she said, a little sadly.

"Thank you," he replied.

She released his hand, so that he could collect his wages from a stricken-looking Peter.

"Tally-ho," he said to Peter and a fuming Riddle.

Lily took his offered arm, and they went to leave the restaurant, when Frank's voice spoke up.

"You might want to keep the till open, Pete."

"Yeah," Sev agreed, already wearing his coat.

Peter looked to Riddle uncertainly.

"What are you waiting for?" Riddle screeched. "I have no use for a disloyal workforce! We can get better, cheaper, more grateful workers at the drop of a hat!"

"That... makes it easier to leave as well," said Peter, handing a wad of notes to Sev and Frank.

Riddle turned purple with rage.

Remus tipped an imaginary hat at him, and left the restaurant with exaggerated bows to the smiling customers, his arm firmly wrapped around Lily.

Sev and Frank joined their line as they fell out of the restaurant, giggling like scolded schoolchildren, and they stood outside for a moment, happy with life in that single moment.

(-)

**Thanks to everyone who's reviewed the last chapter: Anon, Quill Scribblings, Raidne Fern, SiriusRemus4Ever, Lizzy0308, yHime, Sparkling Soul, and Sorn The Lucifer's Angel. **

**Yukiko no Kyuubi no Kitsune: The chapter titles are all Fall Out Boy lyrics. They seem to have a quote for every situation :)**

**Coja: My cousin is getting married next June. If his wedding inspires me, then I may consider it ;)**

**TheButterflyCurse996: Correct, bravo, [gives specified cookie]! **

**Raven-of-the-forests and TechNomaNcer28: Your usernames are now added to my dictionary because I reference them so much :3**

**rosa suscipit: Darling, you seem to have many, many incarnations... :)**

**You're all awesome and you make me go all mushy-eyed when I spot a new review/alert/favourite. I instantly go and stalk all of your profiles. Because I'm a curious/weird/creepy person. Loves you all. **

**Oh, the side-towels... You would not believe how anal bosses are about side-towels in the industry. Sigh.**

**Thoughts on this one?**

**xx**


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